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How do you explain to a child that they were conceived from rape or incest? Should you at all? When do you think it's appropriate to tell them? How does this knowledge affect kids?
I can't imagine having that talk with my child! It would be so hard. I think it is something they should know, but I would probably wait until they are older. I do actually have a friend and her aunt was raped and conceived. She had a daughter that she place for adoption 20ish years ago. They now have a open adoption and the daughter was told about the rape when she was a teenager. She had some anger towards her birth father, understandably, but she now has a good relationship with her birth mom. They have gone on vacations and their families have been able to get to know each other. By the sounds of it, it has been very healing for both families.
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One of my friends was raped and became pregnant. She placed the child with a family in an open adoption. I have thought about that question a lot. I'm not sure what the right answer is. As an adoptee, I feel he should know the truth. As a mother, I can't stomach the possibility that the son would feel that as a negative reflection on himself. I'm gonna get around to writing my friend's story one of these days. I always thought that children conceived from rape were placed because the mom didn't want that constant reminder of the traumatic event. That's a very valid reason. That wasn't her reason. She said that children are the epitome of purity and joy and no matter how well she tried to hide it, he would see pain in her eyes. She said he didn't deserve to be looked at that way.