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Our foster child is the youngest of 5 children. His older siblings have been removed and placed in a variety of situations. The child closest to his age was removed at birth and placed in foster care. That child was eventually adopted shortly after our child was born. And for reasons that escape me, our child was returned to his parents at that time. The parents left state with him. The minute they were back in state, the calls came flooding in regarding neglect and substance abuse. When he came into care, the adoptive mother of his older sibling was asked if she wanted him. She said no. She was asked if she wanted the brothers to have visits. She stated she saw no benefit to her child from having visits with his brother.
Fast forward a year. It is abundantly clear that the parents will be tpr'd. Suddenly, DHHS gets a phone call from the other child's adoptive mother, stating she wants to adopt our foster child, so that the boys can be raised together. She works for an agency that does visitation supervision for DHHS, and therefore works closely with DHHS in that capacity. As it happens, she is good friends with the supervisor on our case. So supervisor buddy tells her that they will begin transition visits. We (and the caseworker incidentally) were not informed about any of this until it had been all arranged. The supervisor says it had been planned from the beginning when he came into care.
The caseworker and the GAL (who also believes we should adopt him) advised we contact the supervisor and express our concerns. She never responded. So we went higher. We contacted the director of DHHS and cc'd the commissioner. Suddenly, people were paying attention. The Program Administrator of Child and Family Services contacted me and took over the case. She assured me that there was no record of any agreement or plan for this other woman to adopt our foster child should reunification fail. However, they would not take a stand on either side of the issue because that would be admitting that the supervisor had screwed up.
We requested a Best Interest Evaluation and DHHS agreed to take the side of whoever the doctor recommended was in the child's best interest. Meanwhile, however, we were ordered to do weekly visits with the sibling (because now she believes contact between the siblings would be in both their best interest). The Evaluation came back last week...overwhelmingly in our favor. The doctor stated he would have great concerns about the child being removed from our home to be placed with her.
I cannot imagine how, at this point and with all that we have behind us now, that we can lose. However, the doubt still lingers. I'm not really looking for advice, just an opportunity to vent. We have a status conference tomorrow to determine if/when there will be a placement hearing.
What a confusing, and time-consumingly stressful time for your family. Please continue to vent as needed. We are listening.
I am glad to hear that despite it all, things are looking in your favor. Hoping for the absolute best for you and your family!!
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Often foster parents are put in a position where they feel powerless, so I appreciate your story - it shows that with persistence and firmness, foster parents CAN be heard when they speak out on behalf of their child. Thank you so much for sharing. Please let us know how the status conference goes.
The adoptive mother who didn't want her son to have visits with his brother was wrong. Siblings should be in touch unless there's violence. Good luck with everything else. You should have been apprised of whatever was going on.
I hope you find this community a good place to vent, I certainly do! My thoughts are with you, this is a tough time for your family. You can do this!
A lot has happened since I posted this rant and rave. And yet...not much has happened either. At the Status Conference DHHS came forward and said they would consent to adoption for us, and not her. At that status conference her attorney also stated they planned on hiring an expert to testify to the importance of siblings being raised together (never mind that these kids barely know each other). However, in the status conference this morning, they've determined that they will not be doing that because it's too expensive. One has to wonder how they hope to have a snowball's chance if they don't hire one. The judge determined that since no one has filed for adoption yet, we will need to have a placement hearing...and as an aside he said...unless someone decides to file for adoption in the very near future.
DHHS has been working overtime to get all of our adoption paperwork put together so that we can file as soon as possible. We're already halfway through what is usually a 12-week process. And I predict we will be ready to file within a couple weeks.
We heard today that the hearing won't be until mid-September. Our attorney says this is a good thing because he will be in school by then and it will make it harder for them to disrupt his life. I get that. I really do. But I was really hoping to have this all said and done by the time he started school.
Ah well. The GAL has also recently gotten 2 attorneys, as she is not an actual attorney. This has proved helpful for us as well. Her attorneys are also standing behind us. So it's basically like paying for one attorney and getting 4 because we have the state's attorney on our side as well.
So yes, a lot has happened (and I'm probably forgetting something), but we're still playing the waiting game, doing visits every weekend, and so nothing much has happened.
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There's so much waiting involved in legal matters and I can't imagine the toll it's taking on you and your family. It sounds like things are moving in a good direction, albeit slowly. I am hoping for the process to continue as smoothly as possible.
A lot has happened since I posted this rant and rave. And yet...not much has happened either. At the Status Conference DHHS came forward and said they would consent to adoption for us, and not her. At that status conference her attorney also stated they planned on hiring an expert to testify to the importance of siblings being raised together (never mind that these kids barely know each other). However, in the status conference this morning, they've determined that they will not be doing that because it's too expensive. One has to wonder how they hope to have a snowball's chance if they don't hire one. The judge determined that since no one has filed for adoption yet, we will need to have a placement hearing...and as an aside he said...unless someone decides to file for adoption in the very near future.
DHHS has been working overtime to get all of our adoption paperwork put together so that we can file as soon as possible. We're already halfway through what is usually a 12-week process. And I predict we will be ready to file within a couple weeks.
We heard today that the hearing won't be until mid-September. Our attorney says this is a good thing because he will be in school by then and it will make it harder for them to disrupt his life. I get that. I really do. But I was really hoping to have this all said and done by the time he started school.
Ah well. The GAL has also recently gotten 2 attorneys, as she is not an actual attorney. This has proved helpful for us as well. Her attorneys are also standing behind us. So it's basically like paying for one attorney and getting 4 because we have the state's attorney on our side as well.
So yes, a lot has happened (and I'm probably forgetting something), but we're still playing the waiting game, doing visits every weekend, and so nothing much has happened.
It's been a while since I posted here. We were very busy organizing our case, getting all of our ducks in a row, and incidentally, becoming foster parents to twin infants.
We filed for adoption of our 4-year-old in mid-July. Our attorney fully expected her to follow suit. She did not. I'm still not sure why. The judge made it abundantly clear he wanted the parties to file for adoption.
Her placement hearing was scheduled for September 13th and 14th. Throughout the week leading up to court, her attorney was submitting additional exhibits, including some videotape from the first daycare he was in. He had ended up being removed from that daycare because I filed accusations of negligence, and they decided to close before they were closed down. Anyway, the owner of that daycare was also on her witness list, eager to lie to get her revenge I have no doubt.
The morning of court I was very nervous. The whole thought of testifying made me ill. My attorney advised that her attorney would probably be a jerk and that no matter how rude and obnoxious he was, I had to be polite and professional.
Well the morning of courst dawned bright and clear. We all took our places in the courtroom and were advised that her attorney would present her case first. Their first witnesses were her 6-year-old son and the 15-year-old half brother. She wanted them to testify together. All 3 opposing attorneys (DHHS, the GAL and our attorney) objected, believing the older child would influence the testimony of the younger child. So the older child testified and the younger child did not.
We then spent the rest of the day listening to caseworkers and the GAL from the case involving the 6-year-old. Then the supervisor for our case was called. This was the supervisor that she was friends with and had told her that she would get our child when the parents were TPR'd. Because DHHS had since sided with us on this case, she spent her time dodging direct questions about her relationship with the adoptive mother and occasionally directly lying about the events that unfolded that got us where we are now. She was on the stand for 3 hours being chopped up into little tiny lying bits.
After a brief lunch break, the original daycare worker was called to the stand. However, before her questioning could begin, the judge called for a 5-minute recess as DHHS was waiting for someone to arrive. During this recess her attorney approached our attorney and asked if we'd be willing to discuss the case separately before the court reconvened. Our attorney agreed.
We all went into a conference room, and she turns to us and says, "Before we start slinging mud at each other, we want to make a deal. We'll withdraw our petition for placement, if you agree that the boys can have continued contact." This was what we had agreed to when this whole thing first began. We had no intention of separating him from his brothers. We know the importance of that connection. So our attorney advised us to take the deal, and added a stipulation that "pending adoption" we would continue visits at their current rate, or better. All parties were in agreement.
When we returned to the courtroom it was announced that we had come to agreement and the petition for placement was being withdrawn. The judge was thrilled. So were we. We won, and I never had to take the stand!
It is amazing how stress can affect you. As soon as the judge dismissed the case, a weight lifted off me that I didn't even realize I had been carrying. My husband and I were both openly weeping at the relief of it all. The GAL and DHHS approached me and advised they would support whatever visit schedule we decided on. We would be permitted to call all the shots from here on out.
Our adoption will be finalized on September 27th!