Birth mother expenses

Did you pay living expenses for the expectant mother planning on placing with you? I have heard of this happening, but I can see it getting very complicated. While I understand that you want to make sure the expectant mom has her needs met, I can see it being a form of pressure, even if you don't mean it that way. She might feel obligated to place with you, even if she wants to parent, because you paid those expenses. Is there a safe way to do this? The couple that adopted my baby did pay my medical expenses, but that was it. I didn't want them paying for anything but the baby.

I agree - the concept of birth mother expenses definitely pushes ethical boundaries. Like you say, covering medical expenses is one thing - but I often hear about adoptive couples covering all living expenses for the expectant mom through many months of pregnancy. That's a big financial investment, and I think it's felt on both sides. One solution I've read is to legislate that all adoptions go through licensed adoption agencies - and all birth mother expenses are covered by a fund set up by the agency for expectant parents. All hopeful adoptive parents donate to the fund, and expectant parents can draw from that fund as needed. That way there's not a sense that one couple is helping out one expectant mom. But doing that opens up concerns about the agency pushing birth moms to place because they've already drawn from the fund. I think the ideal answer is that if an expectant mom is experiencing a financial crisis, her caseworker should help connect her with community resources that can help her financially: Medicaid, food stamps, subsidized housing, help finding a job (or a better paying job) if her health permits, assistance getting into school/obtaining educational grants, etc. Doing this will also help empower the expectant mom and give her a sense of control over her finances. In my opinion, if finances are your only reason for placing, you probably shouldn't place - at least not in this country, where there are other ways of making it work.