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As a birth mom, I spend a lot of time thinking about how being adopted affects the children. I worry that my little birth daughter will grow up to be resentful of me. I know there's not a huge chance of that because I have a very open adoption relationship and she and I have a special bond even now. Adoptees, whether or not you have met your birth parents, how do you feel about them? What kinds of questions did/do you have for them? What can I do as a birth mom to help my birth daughter understand her story and how much I love her?
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I have very positive feelings about my birth parents. It was 1967 and at that time unwed mothers were looked down on. I understand. Her father handled the adoption and she had to go along with it. My birthday was always a day I wondered if she thought of me. Not real happy. Milestones painful.
I want to know my background. I want to see pictures. I want to know if I carry any family traits. Love? No. I do care about her.
isocrusita, I can promise you she thought of you each and every birthday, each and every day in fact. Thank you so much for your insight.
My birth mother was only 17 when I was born. As a child, I thought this was so old. When I turned 17, I couldn't have even imagined the strength it took for her to make that decision for me. It can not be easy to sacrifice your own wishes at that age (or any for that matter). I turn 30 in a few weeks, and I still admire and appreciate the decision and sacrifice she made for me. I have never been resentful, or felt out of place. I think it takes the child growing up to realize these things to the full extent. And education about the topic. Adoption in society is still perceived as negative and I don't understand this! It's an amazing thing. My adoptive parents have always kept an open and honest conversation with me about the topic, so I never felt like it was something to be ashamed of- in fact I think it's pretty cool and unique. I have not met my birth mother, but lately, I've been toying with that idea. I would just give the advice that i imagine your daughter appreciates you, but she also has a mom. I love my mom to death, she's my best friend. But that doesn't diminish what my birth mother did for me and the appreciation i feel for her every day. My advice would be to not overstep your bounds, as hard as that may be, and just have faith that she thinks about you (because, trust me she does!). I admire your decision greatly. Her adoptive parents are so grateful for you, and even though she may not understand it fully yet, she will be too.