RAD

I would caution against using RAD to describe any child in foster care.True RAD is very rare, and the children that have this diagnosis are in group homes and mental institutions, because they are a danger to themselves and others 24/7.Attachment issues in children in foster care will vary quite a bit.My son, even after 5 years of living with me, would only use mom in reference to me at Christmas and Mother's Day, when he had an art project to give to me. The wrapping would say mom, but other than once or twice, he called me by my first name. He was attached, but there was a part of him that was also still attached to his bio-mom. This is his truth, and I'm 100% OK with him using my name. I had to deliberately teach him what mothers do for their kids, and it took years for him to understand what a mother does, and what a mother is to a child, because it was his first experience with having a mom like me.My daughter had been passed around within her family from birth until she arrived in my care just after turning 3. Studies have shown that it's devastating to babies to switch caregivers multiple times in their first year of life. For my daughter, that continued until she lived with me. Her attachment issue was knowing who was really going to take care of her. She used charm to interact with adults, and many people told me that that was a good thing, even caseworkers, but I didn't agree, and when she went with me to one of my doctor's appointment, and she tried to charm my doctor, he immediately identified that she had a serious attachment issue.In my first set of kids, the older child expressed herself by throwing things. She had exactly one tantrum in the kitchen, and I was terrified that she'd get to the knives and get hurt, or get to the bowls and throw them at me, and do some real damage. She was very strong, and had a good arm! After her kitchen tantrum was over, she was devastated, and what I saw was how alone and frightened she felt.- For my son, having permission to keep his mom, and add me, was his only path to attachment.- For my daughter, limiting her interactions to a small group of trusted and knowledgeable adults, was her path to attachment.- For my first beautiful little girl, understanding the depth of despair and rejection she felt, was her path to attachment.When a child arrives in a home, and the honeymoon is over, then one sees bad behavior, and in some kids, quite a lot of it.I don't have any proof for this, and I wouldn't claim it applies to all children, but in my experience, the severity of a child's bad behavior is an indicator of the severity of the abuse and neglect they've suffered.I should fess up that the improving attachment between me and my kids reduced their bad behavior in severity and increased the time between big blow ups, but did not eliminate bad behavior. It seemed that once there was an attachment, that issue faded into the background, and other issues drove my kids to behave badly. When my son had been with me for a few years, he went to his bedroom (time-in/out) for breaking 13 rules, the record! The attachment between him and me gave him the security he needed to start to uncover the other issues that he'd had to bury deep, to survive. Those deep hurts in his early life drove him to behave badly on a regular basis, so handling that as a parent was a marathon. His attachment gave him a solid base to stand on, while uncovering his past, and in my mind that was success.