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We are new foster parents! We received our license, and a week later we were placed with three. We have three of our own, so that put us at 6 kids under 12. Yikes. We'll long story short, the boy was fresh out of a mental hospital, and within a months time, ended back in there. He was suicidal, lacked basic skills, very foul mouthed, and the last straw was when he smeared blood all over his room. We put in our two weeks notice, but basically begged for respite for one week of it. We got it, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. That was a horrible first placement and now I'm scared of how the rest will go!! Are they always going to be this chaotic? I understand problems, I'm okay with problems (stemming from neglect, etc), I just don't know if I can take that kind of extreme again. We had to constantly watch him, keep our kids away when he became violent, watch his baby brother and sister. He was exhausting and made me want to quit!
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Will every child have behavioral issues to that extreme? No. Is it a possibility with every placement you have? Yes. Children do not have the same coping skills to deal with trauma as adults, so that hurt can come out in scary, violent ways. It happens. Most foster children from my understanding are not violent.
Sorry I'm coming to this a little bit late.
There is always a possibility that a child will have greater issues than you expect. However, you also took on a lot for a first placement. Three additional kids is very intense even if they don't have psychiatric issues. Add to that the oldest recently being hospitalized for psychiatric reasons, and you were set up for failure.
There are some things you can do to make things a bit easier on yourselves. First, if you don't already, clearly know and communicate your parameters. I will not take kids with a history of aggression toward animals or other children, and I won't take kids older than my son (I broke that rule once, and it didn't go well). Second, ask questions. The caseworkers may not always have the information, and they may not be totally honest if they do, but they are more likely to share information if you ask directly. For example: is a child on any medication, do they have any psychiatric diagnoses, do they have any history of aggression, etc. It might not be a bad idea to think about taking only one or two kids subsequently. Yes, they are always looking for families who will take larger sibling groups, but that doesn't mean it has to be you, at least at first. Easing yourself and your children into it may be easier than jumping in all the way.
That said, you probably will at some point end up taking a child who you can't manage. Be aware from the beginning of issues that come up that are dealbreakers and communicate clearly with the caseworker. You won't do yourself or a child any favors by taking or keeping them in your home when you aren't equipped to manage their needs; it's better the workers know as early as possible when things aren't working so that they can either get you the support you need or find a more appropriate placement.
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I am so sorry your family had to experience that right out of the gate. Not all of the kids will be quite so extreme. I would definitely limit the types of kids you take in, especially while your children are young. Please let us know how things go with your future placements.