Brief History: I was adopted at birth in a closed adoption. I had a great childhood. My adoptive parents always felt like my "real" parents. They divorced and both parties started making bad decisions. After I became an adult with a child, I was mad at each for different reasons. I stopped speaking to them feeling like that was the healthiest choice for my family. There had been a fight with each of them, but nothing crazy. I just stopped talking to them. That was two years ago and I have had another child. I feel like they abandoned the relationship. Yes I stopped talking to them, but then they never tried to fix anything. I can't imagine not having a relationship with my kids. I would fight for that. Growing up I never doubted their love for me, not for one second. But now, seeing how easy our relationship was for them to let go, it kind of makes me doubt things now.
Side Note: I have an older adopted sister who has not spoken with either of them for almost as long, and her issues with them have absolutely nothing to do with my issues with them. They are entirely different situations.
I guess the part I don't understand the most is how they are completely ok with not having anything to do with their grandkids. Does anyone have any insightful comments? All the love and bonding over all those years couldn't have just been shut off like a water faucet, could it? I don't see how that's possible.
I'm adding a link for an article that goes into a little of what happened around the time period the divorce happened.
I see this all too often in friends whose parents have divorced. My theory is that since they have abandoned the marriage, they also abandon the family. It makes me really upset to think about that. It's not fair to you. Another contributing factor could be that they are ashamed of the poor choices they made and feel like they're causing you more pain than happiness by continuing to have a relationship with you. Some people just can't face their problems head on so they just run away.
That kind of makes sense. I have caught a lot of flack from people who don't know them. I felt like I needed to seperate myself from them. My dad only helps people so he can hang it over their heads, and then talks badly about them to his friends. My mom is the most unreliable person ever, and then she is supporting my sister who lies and causes trouble just because. And while I think the separation had a purpose, I still can't believe I gave birth to a whole other person who looks exactly like me when I was little, and they never even tried to meet him. Some days I think we are better off without them and other days it makes me sad.
I think you are wise to separate yourself even though it's hard. Toxic people suck the energy and joy out of life. It's okay to be sad about it, even if you know it's the right thing to do. I can't imagine not wanting that contact either. My heart goes out to you.
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