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I would try again at some point, but I would wait awhile. She's clearly going through a lot and might just not be ready at this time. Once things have smoothed out, maybe in a year or two, you could reach out.
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I agree with Annaleece -- do try again, but do so in 6 months or so.
Also -- I learned the hard way (I have/had 3 half sisters on my fathers side) I wrote to all three. One replied, one was to ill to reply and died a few short days later and the other never replied.
I tried again.
Nothing.
I got some advice, here on the forums and tried again. I didn't leave it 'ball in your court' -- I asked her pointedly to reply to me, just so I knew she got my message and could respect her wishes.
A few weeks later I got a very short note saying she'd got my letter and didn't wish to have contact with me and she hoped I respected her privacy.
I did/do and never wrote her again. My oldest half-sister explained that she has no relationship with any of them. Their story is much like yours. She's older, product of young love, no relationship with our father, no desire to expand her family by including her half-sisters in her life.
At least I tried and I wasn't left wondering.
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Ashley Foster
If she doesn't want a relationship, that's ok. I feel really guilty that she didn't go to the memorial. When I was first invited, I told them no because I didn't want to intrude any more than I had already. I guess in the end though, everyone makes their own decisions.
Here is a perspective you may or may not have considered. If she had not had a close relationship with your father or did not have such until the end of his life, it is possible that her not going had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her feeling like an outsider. Sitting through people sharing all their warm, special, or even funny memories, which can help give one a different perspective on the person, but can also be painful for one who grew up (possibly feeling unwanted or rejected) without those cherished memories and perhaps feeling like the only thing one could say is he made me so, by extension I am part of your family, but even in that having been kept a secret brings its own painful experiences, that must be individually processed. Has she maintained contact with any other members of the family? That may give you a clue as to whether the guilt you are carrying about her missing the memorial was in some way really because of you, or whether it just was. Was there actually any point she indicated a reluctance to go if you were going to be there? Hope this helps you to find some peace and perhaps in time she may reach out. :-)
Last update on October 28, 2:15 am by Yve Brown.
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Ashley Foster
She speaks somewhat regularly to my sisters, and she calls my grandmother on holidays. The reason I feel responsible is that she showed intent to go. Her flight was already booked, and her arrangements there were already made. I was a late addition to the plans, and she seemed OK for a brief time (via group emails). Then the day of, she didn't board her flight. She said she threw he back out and couldn't fly.
Has anyone gotten anything from conversation that would indicate that wasn’t the case? Traveling with an injury is rather painful, so it is possible that there was a health concern. It is possible not, but taking the blame on yourself will not change things, and you also had a right to make your peace with his departure just as much as she did.
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