Feeling out of place

I was reminded of something earlier this evening. My adoptive family always felt like my "real" family. I always felt connected with them. My dad had a large Italian family and his mother often had gatherings at her house. When I was around my grandmother, I always felt like an outsider. I loved her. She was always nice to me. I really can't explain it other than I didn't feel like I fit in around her. Did anyone else experience anything like this with a single family member?

It's a little bit different because I'm not an adoptee, but I definitely feel out of place with my extended family since I placed my baby. Everyone is perfectly cordial with me, but there are a few of them that I can tell feel uncomfortable around me. It's not a very good feeling. They avoid talking about my birth daughter at all costs, like she doesn't exist. But most of my family has been very understanding and accepting. My grandma included my birth daughter in a book about our family and that made me feel a lot better about it.

My parents never really said as much, but I could tell by their actions that they didn't really consider me part of the family (long story, I'll go in to it if you'd like).But my grandma, she never missed an opportunity to remind me that I was NOT a "Wilson" and that she couldn't possibly love me as much as she loved my brother (their biological child).When she passed away, she left everything to my dad and my brother and she left me a pair of costume earrings, that she'd never worn, with the price tag still on the box. I'm sure she did it on purpose -- as she went out of her way to make sure I knew I wasn't 'part of the clan'.So, yeah, I've felt out of place, but that's because they actually made me feel out of place. Your emotional response could be the result of some thing that happened when you were younger, but you don't remember. Emotions are a weird thing.

Wow! That's terrible. I can't imagine being treated that way. It has to feel pretty awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Annaleece, that does not even make sense to me why it would make them feel so uncomfortable, but it obviously does. I know that can't feel good. In the end though, that's their problem.

I'm less concerned about how it makes me feel and more concerned about the way they will treat her. Sometimes they come to family gatherings and some of my extended family is really weird about it. I want my birth daughter to feel like she belongs in both her birth and adoptive families

I see two options:1. Maybe be brutally honest with them. Explain that this is the best scenario for her. She gets to have the best parents for her while still having a relationship with you and knowing her history and background. Tell them they may not understand the situation but you would appreciate it if they would be supportive. 2. If the extended family can't behave in welcoming and accepting way, then they shouldn't be around her.

Absolutely. I know that logically they understand that placing was the right thing, they're just so awkward about it. I'm kind of a birth-mama bear, and if they ever were to put a toe out of line or hurt her or make her uncomfortable, they'd never see her again that's for sure. If anyone is crazy enough to not love her to death and see how perfect she is, they don't deserve to be around her.