Choosing adoption

I chose to place my baby for several reasons. First and foremost, I didn't want her to have a daddy who was abusive. I was seventeen when I got pregnant, and bio dad was 24. That alone was an enormous issue. He was not kind to me, and he threatened to take away my baby and make sure I never saw her again. I didn't want to live in fear of that happening. I wanted her to have two parents who loved each other and her. I just couldn't put her through what I know would be a long, drawn out custody battle where nobody wins. Choosing adoption meant that my baby could have an open relationship with me, and know how much I love her. She can also have a relationship with her father that I know will be safe because they are always supervised. He can't take her or say anything negative about me. It was the best way she could have a positive relationship with both of us. His intermittent visits won't hurt or confuse her as much as if he were her only father. She has a daddy who takes care of her every day, and loves her with all his heart. I was way too young to be a mother. Some people can do it, and I don't judge them at all. But I was in a place where I had a LOT of trauma to deal with. I was not mature enough to handle what I was going through and parent at the same time. Since placing, I have come a long way and am in a place where I can parent. But had I not placed, I don't know that I would have been able to work through all the things I needed to work through and that wouldn't have been fair to her either. There are secondary reasons- I couldn't afford it for sure. I also wanted to get an education. But those are not the main reasons I placed. I could have figured the logistics out if I knew she'd be safe and happy with me. I almost just said I wasn't the right thing for her, but that's not true. I would have, and will be, a wonderful mom. But the circumstances that I was in at that time were not conducive to a healthy lifestyle for a child, and wouldn't have changed if I had parented.