With all of the kids who are currently in foster care, what are some reasons one would choose not to adopt from foster care? I would assume that someone wanting to adopt a baby would probably choose a private adoption. What are some other reasons?
One of the main reasons I've always seen has been that the potential parents aren't capable or are unwilling/unable to take on the responsibilities of raising a child with special needs (physical/emotional/mental).
Another is that potential parents aren't able to deal with the complexities involved in a reunification plan.
Another is that potential parents aren't able to take on a sibling group.
There are a lot of things you have to consider when deciding to adopt via Foster Care -- many that people never think about, until exploring all of their options.
Adoption from foster care is somewhat less cut and dry than domestic infant adoption. I have seen many people who were told they would be able to adopt their foster kids and promised that TPR was signed. But biological parents can still appeal so lots of adoptions fall through. That fear scares a lot of people off.
As you mentioned, many people want babies. Partly because babies are small and cute, and partly because that baby would have only a memory of you as a parent, rather than remembering their parents from before they were taken in to care and possibly feeling torn.
There are emotional and behavioral issues that can potentially scare people off from foster adoption as well. I know a few people who have other children and are concerned about how those potential issues would affect them, so they adopt domestically instead.
That totally makes sense. I think I would be worried if there was a behavioral is how it would affect my other kids. I do think there is a lot of stigma with foster care that needs to be overcome though.
I thinks some people don't want to take the chance of getting attached and having the child(ren) leave - but that is a risk when doing foster care or foster to adopt. Some children do return to family, some adoptions fail, for a variety of reasons, but far more have successful adoptions.
Both of mine were babies when they were placed with me, both went to adoption (same birth mom).
I do have concerns, especially about my son, as he was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome just recently at three (he is 3.5 now). I knew both of them were exposed to drugs and I was aware that there was a possibility of alcohol exposure.
My daughter was placed with me at three days old but still occasionally will ask to hear about the first time I saw her and tells me she misses her "other mom". She has mild attachment issues that I assume are related to an unconscious sense of abandonment. I know some people get upset or hurt feelings when a child wants to talk about their birth family, when they have questions or seek that place of belonging outside the family that adopted them. I wish their birth mom was in a position to be apart of the kids lives, it would benefit both of them to have an open adoption, but at least at this time, that is not possible.
It is hard when a child leaves. I had one, who was only with us two months, she went to live with a younger sibling and his grandmother - I knew at placement that the brother's grandmother was seeking custody. Nevertheless, it was still hard to see her go (and I knew the grandmother and knew she was going a great place, the right place for her).
Foster care is a pretty lengthy process though with paper work, waiting time and all. But in the end, you reap the rewards.