Feeling ovewhelmed

I am often overwhelmed by all the social media posts from friends and family with birth announcements and baby pictures and children’s pictures and now even grandchildren’s pictures. I am 45 and have had multiple miscarriages throughout my lifetime and no live births. Anniversaries of losses and would be birthdays are painful reminders of the emptiness of my arms. Sometimes, I do post memorial posts. I light candles. I remain friends with the father of the first set of twins I lost (we reconnected through social media before my husband and I ever got together and both my husband and I have been there when he is struggling and he when I am struggling). It has actually been a very healing experience to have someone else who actually has experienced the same specific loss as for many years I mourned them alone, but it helps knowing I alone do not mourn them, but that they are mourned by another. I am an artist and a writer, so I often do projects to help when feeling overwhelmed. Recently, I began working with treasure chests of things I would have loved to do with my children, and some small items that represent developmental stages missed. There is something freeing about making finger paintings just as I would have done with them had I been privileged to have had them with me or making sock puppets or sock banks. Sometimes, there are tears shed during the process and that too is ok as it helps to get it out rather than bottling it up. Sometimes, one may have a flash of what it might have been like could actually picture a moment in time which could of occurred. Placing the items in a treasure chest is a reminder that they are treasured, and yet when necessary, those chests can be put out of sight if they themselves become more pain than comfort. In this day and age of instant communication, people forget the value of cards and letters, but one can get or make or write them and place them with cherished items in a box or chest, if one has an open adoption all those may someday be shown to and shared with a child when the time is right. I would encourage anyone feeling overwhelmed to first off identify the need tos from the want tos. And which things are not urgent or important at this moment and simplify as much as one can, which may mean spending less time on social media in general, especially when there are people posting allot of negativity. Remember to take time for yourself even if it is just for doing something that makes you feel better and more confident. If meditation is a help for you, take even just a few moments to breathe and clear the air around and within you. One of my favorite ways to meditate is what I call bubble meditation. It requires an inexpensive jar of bubbles. When stressed, take the bubble wand breath in deeply and slowly blow on the wand and let the bubbles blow out as some pop think of your worries just popping or being blown away, and if you choose to catch any big bubbles and play with or make double bubbles remember they too will eventually pop or blow away, but for that moment they were there and can bring reduced stress and even bring a sense of peace and joy. It is sometimes useful if one can to get some inexpensive (Dollar Tree stuff is fine) items that you might like wrap them up and put them away as gifts to yourself, with the kinds of encouraging messages on cards or note cards you normally would give others when they are feeling sad, or alone, or overwhelmed. Put them away add to this at different times so you may not even remember what all is there or what was said. You can label for specific types of trigger times or just trust that the right reminders will come when you need them. When dealing with allot, give yourself one of the random gifts, and accept it as a gift of love for yourself recognizing you are worthy of love and when you open it remember to thank your earlier self for that kindness. It can be a creative form of self care and growth that is especially valuable when in a position where others rely on you for encouragement and support, and feeling like “Who encourages the encouragers when they themselves are drained?” Hope This helps.

I'm pretty much in a constant state of overwhelmed. Sometimes though I have to force breaks. I'll do what has to done and then dedicate the rest of my day to just sitting and playing with the kids or painting my toenails and straightening my hair, which I almost never take time to do anymore. It kind of re-centers me. I know it's not glamorous, but life with two kids rarely is. Speaking of which, adoptions tend to paint motherhood in a glorious light, and I do love my kids like crazy, but raising kids is not cupcakes and rainbows.

Actually any kind of parenting is all cupcakes and rainbows at times! Just not the way we want to think of them....perfect beautiful cupcakes and rainbows across the sky, “Ahhhh!” Baby with cupcake with rainbow sprinkles and icing, “Aaahhhh!” Rainbow colored crayons on the wall, or finger paints on clothes likewise. That fine line between “Ahhhh” and “Aaahhhh” is where fantasy and real life merge and sanity hangs in the balance. ߘ

Great tips you guys. I just keep reminding myself that it's not always going to feel this way. I've just been pushing through the days recently, and that's okay. Today I'm going to get the work done that needs to be done online, and then I'll go in and work my day job, but by midnight it will all be over. I've been giving myself little rewards just for doing basic things (i.e. bringing cheesecake for my break at work to have something to look forward to) and that's helping. Fortunately next week I get to go on a mini vacation, so I'm focusing on that too and trying to stay positive.

Sending you as much loving encouragement as possible. You can get through this day! Don’t worry about the next one, it hasn’t arrived. Just find at least one thing that can make you smile and brighten your day! Yes Midnight this day will end and any deadlines or baggage it was carrying will too. What baggage you choose to pick up the next day and whatever events happen that day, it is a separate day. If you can try to start each day as a new page to be written upon rather than viewing it as a continuation of a chapter, you will be able to see some interesting and wonderful plot twists and look back and go, “Wow! I made more progress than I thought!”