Is the judgement worth moving out?

I'm a college student from a fairly conservative school, so I live with fairly conservative roommates. This hadn't been an issue until I talked with them about my birth daughter. I'm not ashamed of her, there are photos of her in my room and I talk about her openly with friends and on social media. But somehow my roommates didn't realize I had a birth daughter until a few days ago. Since then, it's been very uncomfortable in the house. I feel like they're avoiding me, and I feel like they think I'm horribly irresponsible. They've gone so far as to say that I can't have my boyfriend over, and I feel like they think I'm going to get pregnant again. I don't feel like it's their place to try and impose rules on me, especially because I am at absolutely no risk of getting pregnant because I'm currently abstinent. They refuse to have a conversation with me about this. It's become so tense and stressful in my home that I no longer feel welcome, and am considering moving out. I can handle strangers judging me and saying mean things about my being a birth mom, but not the people I live with. Is it worth losing a great deal on rent to feel better?

They aren't your parents. They need to act like roommates or THEY need to move out. They are overstepping the boundaries of a roommate relationship, if they are doing things they forbid you to do (Have your boyfriend over). Honestly, I wouldn't give them a chance to 'talk about it' -- I'd tell them that it's none of their business and they don't dictate what you can and can not do, outside of the 'roommate relationship' and if THEY are uncomfortable with it, they can find another place to live!This is some BIGTIME BS. Do NOT take it. It is not your responsibility to make them comfortable. This infuriates me. Like I am LIVID sitting here reading this. I want to freakin scream! UGH! Seriously, like I CAN NOT let this go. I would have to throat punch someone.

Throat punching sounds like a good idea right about now ߘ. Now they are saying they want to "compromise" and kick him out after 10 pm (even if we are being quiet and in my room) because they're straight up "concerned" about me getting pregnant. This guy is a sweet little Mormon, there's no way that would happen and their "concern" is none of their business. I want to tell them they can move out if they don't like it, but they've all been living here longer than me. It makes me so mad. If they knew the whole story they wouldn't judge me at all, but now they won't even let me talk when I bring up my birth daughter so it's just pointless. I refuse to be ashamed.

How old are your roommates? Are they peers or older adults? Are your roommates all female or some of each? Does the household have a set of household rules that EVERYONE must agree to, or is it something that they are making up rules as they go along based on assumptions? Were you friends with them before moving in together? Were they there and you joined a readily established group of people? I would suggest evaluating your options carefully. What is your proportion of the rent. Would you need to give any kind of notice? Are there other housing options including on campus options? I recognize that this is mid-semester, so you may not have that option for a couple of months. I would likely tell the roommates, ¢While it may not actually be your business, I know you have come to your own conclusions regarding me and my daughter. I think you would be surprised and possibly a little ashamed of your judgemental approach if you knew the truth and I have to say that I hope for your sake you never have to experience the trauma that I have been through as I would not wish it on anyone and I know any woman or girl can be victimized.” (If this applies to your situation)I don’t know the details of your situation, but I did see one of your comments that seem to indicate you have been through some things similar some parts of my life. If you need to talk about it, you can message me or post or email me at yvedeaf@gmail.com Even if it were a case of teens getting carried away with their passions and concerns about repeating behaviors and them trying to act as parental figures, they need to realize that adding stresses tends to be the most counter productive approach. And shutting you down when you need to talk is not a caring course of action either. Remember, you are not powerless in this situation but also remember even good sweet boys can suddenly have Roman Hands, Russian Fingers, and may not take no for an answer (trust, me the woman is not to blame in such a situation but she does suffer and carries that with her, I unfortunately know this too well). How long have you been seeing the young man? How does he feel about these additional rules?

The roommates are all girls who are a few years younger than I am, and were all fairly sheltered. I didn't know them before I moved in. I'd like to pass of their assumptions as simply being naive, but that still doesn't excuse the rather rude behavior. When I moved in they had all been living there for a few months, so they were pretty established. However, these "rules" are need to me. We didn't discuss anything like curfews before I moved in, or I would have found somewhere else. I'm about to graduate college with two bachelor's degrees, I don't need to be given a curfew. The place is month to month, so I can move out whenever I want with or without notice. The only real issue with me moving out is that I get an incredible deal on rent, and I would rather not pay extra someplace else. When I got pregnant I was 17 years old. The father was 24. Those were some dark days, and he didn't always listen when I said no. I was dealing with some past trauma as well, and had not yet been diagnosed with the mental illness I have. I think if the roommates understood a little better they wouldn't be so hard on me. But even if it had simply been my being unsafe and irresponsible, it's not their place to try and make rules for me. I don't think any amount of explaining will help. They've talked about how they don't believe that any type of mental illness is a "real thing", and that those diagnosed need to just "get over it". They also don't understand abusive relationships and how they can get in your head and make you feel like you can't leave. But all of this was years ago. Since then I've come such a long way. I got out of the relationship and got the help I needed. I am doing very well career and education wise, and I am a great friend. I'd like to be a friend to them, but they're not allowing me to be. That's their loss. This young man and I have been seeing each other for around 6 months, and I do trust him . That says a lot about him because of what I've been through. He has never even tried to push the envelope as far as anything that might hurt me or make me uncomfortable. He's very protective of me, so he's upset with my roommates and wants to talk with them. I don't think that's a good idea.

That tells me that he is a very good young man! I know I may have sounded a bit mothery with all the questions I asked but In order to give any kind of suitable feedback, sometimes a little better understanding of facts involved is required. It is easy to say they are so wrong and that environment is not good for you, so you need to leave it (this applies too many situations obviously including abusive relationships, but I am in this case talking about stressful living situation), but unless there is a clear possibility for a better life situation, one could advise someone from the frying pan to the fire. Having been through multiple abusive relationships (including a 14 year marriage) I know what it is to have men ignore one’s saying no, even when repeated and even attempting to push away. Unless someone has been in that position they can’t understand because it is incomprehensible and society still hold enough of the stigmas that these things don’t happen to “good” girls. Anything to blame for the situation but the abusers behavior, why? Because that means it CAN happen to anyone, and that is more than comfortable people leading sheltered lives ever want to recognize or they will never feel fully safe again. And you are correct, even if it were something that was a matter of irresponsible decision making, if you are paying your rent and following through on your responsibilities, it is not their business, unless they had said this is the code of conduct we are requiring of all roommates here. Did you sign any kind of a lease? If so, the stipulations of the written agreement would be the terms to which they could hold you. One question I would urge you to ask yourself when you are considering what to do as far as moving out ASAP goes, is the current living situation such that it is preventing you from perfuming your employment duties or your school work to full capacity? Others would be, Would you even be able to find an alternative living arrangement within your budget? Is this something you may actually need to face head on before you move, even just before moving when you have a place all lined up, so that you will be able to progress to a more mentally and emotionally healthy individual who recognizes her own self worth and takes responsibility for her own decisions, but will not permit someone to belittle or demean her unjustly or deprive her of her own voice? Sometimes when one has been through trauma it is sometimes easier to internalize and say nothing, but does not always help us to overcome our obstacles and move forward with our progress and healing. “Moving on” or “getting over it” is an unhealthy mentality perpetuated by people who do not want to recognize mental health as being a health issue, moving forward means making progress not stagnating or moving backward, which is what happens when we permit anyone to deny us our voice in a matter effecting our lives in some way. Hope this helps. Do you have any family support or encouragement as you are dealing with this? I hope you do because that at least makes it a little easier, when one has people that are supportive ideally nearby.

You make a good point when you say it's potentially out of the frying pan and into the fire. The added financial burden may not be worth it. Since the apartment is month to month, I didn't sign any kind of contract- all I do is pay my rent and the landlord has no problem. So they have no legal leg to stand on. All they can really do is be cold to me, which at this point is what's happening. It's sad that this is happening- it's petty and shows a lack of understanding about how real life works. But I will still be strong. People can think what they want, it doesn't matter. I'll be proud to be a birth mom until the day I die.