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My wife and I recently started the process of looking into what we need to do to adopt a child (or sibling pair). We're trying to figure out, first and foremost, what agency to work with and what type of adoption to pursue. If anyone has recommendations, we live in the New York City area, specifically on Long Island. I don't know whether the agency needs to be in this area or not.We've done some research and it seems like there are two routes for us. 1.) Adopt an infant by working with a private agency to find a pregnant mother who wants to choose adoption or 2.) Adopt from foster care.All things being equal, we like the idea of adopting from foster care. However, the initial impression I'm getting is that we might not be able to get the type of child we are looking for from foster to adopt. In particular, we'd really like to adopt a child (or sibling pair) that's no older than five. We have a five year old biological son and we don't want to bring in a sibling who is older than him.The couple of agencies around here that work with waiting children that we've contacted recently were fairly discouraging, saying that, if we want to adopt from foster care, either we would have to adopt a much older child or one with very severe disabilities. Is what we're looking for realistic or possible? I looked through the profiles at another adoption photolisting and some of the other listing sites and most kids they show are much older or have very serious medical challenges. On the flip side, we could enter a program to adopt an infant. The disadvantages of this, in my mind, are a couple. First, at least from the agencies I've contacted in New York, I've heard that the process costs around $45K. That's a lot of money and we'd end up having to take out some significant loans. How do people pay for these fees and is 45K what people pay all over the country or just here in New York? Second, we like the idea of adding a toddler to our family so that the new child will be closer in age to our son.Anyhow, does anyone have any advice for us or an agency to recommend?
Last update on November 14, 11:47 am by Sachin Gupta.
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I'm not sure about agencies, but I do have some comments on what you've been told. Infant adoption- you're correct, it's very costly, can sometimes take awhile to match, etc. With foster care- no one can force you to adopt anyone. Children do exist in the age range you mentioned, and not all of them have disabilities. They may be few and far between, but I have seen several cases where a family has adopted a young foster child with no disabilities. However, even if the child does not have medical or mentally diagnosable issues, being a foster child means the child has been exposed to some trauma. I say this not to dissuade you, but just to remind you that it's possible that a child adopted from foster care may need some therapy. If you want to adopt from foster care, I think it's possible if you are patient.
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I guess the key thing here would be to find an agency that would work with us. The couple of sources I've emailed with have been pretty explicit about not being willing to accommodate our age request. I think we'd be willing to put our name in the jar, have our home study done, get whatever certification might be required and wait for the right placement. We'd just have to find an agency that was willing to work with us, which leads me to another question: do you need to use just one agency?When I search on some of the sites like another adoption photolisting or some of the state lists, I occasionally see a listing for a child under five who appears not to be disabled. Does it work to use the listings like that? Can you foster-to-adopt from a different state?Also, yes, I think we can do a great job of parenting a child with trauma issues or other challenges. While he has not experienced any traumas, our son has some special needs that I think we're managing really well.
I say this not to dissuade you, but just to remind you that it's possible that a child adopted from foster care may need some therapy. If you want to adopt from foster care, I think it's possible if you are patient.
Last update on November 14, 11:47 am by Sachin Gupta.
It depends on the agency, but most will allow you to use more than just one. Foster to adopt from a different state isn't typical from my understanding. I would check with whichever agencies you decide to go with. I think it would take some work, but I don't think it's impossible to find an agency who would be willing to at least certify you for the criteria you're looking for and wait and see what happens.