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I am in reunion with my birth family. We reunited last year. We don't live close but my mom and sisters visit often. I still get really nervous before they come, and then I feel a little weird while they are here. I half way feel the need to entertain them but also I am comfortable with them so I sort of feel like sitting in silence isn't a bad thing. I was just wondering how birth parents out there feel about their children who were adopted. After reunion does the relationship ever feel really normal?
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My adoption has never been closed, so in a way, I've always been in reunion. But I still feel a lot of the same things you described. Nervous and excited before I see my birth daughter, and sometimes a little awkward trying to come up with things to talk to her adoptive parents about. She's too little to understand right now, so our relationship can't be awkward. All she knows is that I'm here to play with her and pay attention to her, so she eats it right up. Down the road I imagine it will be different when she starts to understand more and process her feelings about it. From what I've heard from other adoptees, it does get different and more settled down the road. A year isn't really that long, especially since you found them as an adult. You both have so much separate history, it's normal for it to feel uncomfortable sometimes. Even with my extended family who I grew up with it feels weird sometimes, like I have to entertain them when they visit. It's not the same thing of course, but somewhat similar. I'm betting it will start to feel more normal down the road.
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I think it takes time to develop the relationship. As always, I can only speak from my own experience. My bson and I began our relationship when he was 32 (obviously, it was a closed relationship). He included us in all family gatherings so we got to know him and his wife and their children as they were born. It became easier with practice; we describe our relationship as "comfortable" and "healthy". I am not the mother who raised him, but I have my own place in his life. I must admit that while he says I can call him anytime I hesitate to do so very often because I know he is busy with his family. He knows I love him and that he is welcome in my home anytime. Unfortunately, he now lives in CO and I live in PA so I don't see him often (except on FB). My husband and I did get to spend several days with them at the end of January this year which was great. As always it's one day at a time!Blessings, KAthy
I think it takes time to develop the relationship. As always, I can only speak from my own experience. My bson and I began our relationship when he was 32 (obviously, it was a closed relationship). He included us in all family gatherings so we got to know him and his wife and their children as they were born. It became easier with practice; we describe our relationship as "comfortable" and "healthy". I am not the mother who raised him, but I have my own place in his life. I must admit that while he says I can call him anytime I hesitate to do so very often because I know he is busy with his family. He knows I love him and that he is welcome in my home anytime. Unfortunately, he now lives in CO and I live in PA so I don't see him often (except on FB). My husband and I did get to spend several days with them at the end of January this year which was great. As always it's one day at a time!Blessings, KAthy
Hi Brandy,I' m doing well. I wander back every once and a while to a.com but frankly, I don't find the new site as easy to use as the old one! I do miss the friends I got to know here so long ago. I'm in contact with some of the others on FB. I've moved a couple times since I joined and now live about 150 east of where I was then. I still serve as the pastor of two Lutheran congregations )just 2 different ones.) I announced last year that I was officially old since I'm now on medicare. How are you doing and what are you doing these days?Blessings, Kathy