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I am a 22 year old undergrad studying at a university in California. I am a Junior. Prior to my move out here, I was in Michigan, and worked at a boys foster home, developing a good relationship and rapport with many of the boys.
I returned home yesterday for the Thanksgiving holiday, and one of the boys has been having a really rough time. He is 12, and while I was away, his parent's rights were terminated. He went on a pretty bad spell behaviorally, and his worker was given notice last month that he needed to be removed from the home. He however has not been informed as of yet.
We talked at length yesterday one on one, as it seemed I had developed some sort of additional trust with many of the boys, me having returned when so many in the past have not to them. With this boy in particular, in our conversation, I told him I would not give up on him, and he replied that that is what everyone has always told him, before they did (give up on him).
He has had a really rough past, and he needs counseling and therapy. But he also needs love and attention, and I would go to the end of the world to ensure he receives it. But I'm not sure what I can do.
Is adoption realistic in this scenario? Knowing that I would be severing all ties to the organization in doing so, it's still in my thoughts. And if so, how would I go about it? Leave of absence at school? I'm relying on student loans through the remainder of the school year, but fully intend to get a part time job next year. I also have graduate school in my future thoughts. The undergrad school offers housing to students with children.
Am I crazy? Have I lost boundaries? Do I need counseling myself? Or is this actually something I could realistically do?
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Bump with some thoughts.
Now being a couple days removed from the initial emotions, I'm still strongly emotionally attached to this kid. At the same time, I understand the reality of my situation, in that it is not in the best interest of myself or the kid to do this right now.
My thoughts at the moment are two-fold.
1) Keep in contact with him. Be someone he can trust, someone that doesn't give up on him. Even when he leaves the placement he's at now, make it a point to visit whenever possible and call. Simply be there for him.
2) Give it some time. Graduate with a BA in the Spring of 2019 and re-evaluate the entire situation. If still a possibility, and it makes sense financially and logistically, go for it.
Thoughts?
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Jackson Henry
Bump with some thoughts.
Now being a couple days removed from the initial emotions, I'm still strongly emotionally attached to this kid. At the same time, I understand the reality of my situation, in that it is not in the best interest of myself or the kid to do this right now.
My thoughts at the moment are two-fold.
1) Keep in contact with him. Be someone he can trust, someone that doesn't give up on him. Even when he leaves the placement he's at now, make it a point to visit whenever possible and call. Simply be there for him.
2) Give it some time. Graduate with a BA in the Spring of 2019 and re-evaluate the entire situation. If still a possibility, and it makes sense financially and logistically, go for it.
Thoughts?
IF you let him know you are considering becoming a long term resource for him, but that you need to prepare so you can get into a position where you can be able to be of help as you will need to be able to pass a home study yourself before they would let you take care of him, how do you think he would react? Do you think he would behave better if he knows of possibility of being placed with you in the future, or would that make him act out more? With Skype and other technology, it should be such that you can be able to maintain contact over the long term. It may even be possible to make a pact to both work hard on your educational goals and improving yourselves. May I ask your major? You may be able to expedite your education by taking CLEP, DSST, Saylor, Sophia tests. Feel free to message me if you want to know about any educational options that may get some of the requirements done more rapidly, if that would help.
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Yve Brown
IF you let him know you are considering becoming a long term resource for him, but that you need to prepare so you can get into a position where you can be able to be of help as you will need to be able to pass a home study yourself before they would let you take care of him, how do you think he would react? Do you think he would behave better if he knows of possibility of being placed with you in the future, or would that make him act out more? With Skype and other technology, it should be such that you can be able to maintain contact over the long term. It may even be possible to make a pact to both work hard on your educational goals and improving yourselves. May I ask your major? You may be able to expedite your education by taking CLEP, DSST, Saylor, Sophia tests. Feel free to message me if you want to know about any educational options that may get some of the requirements done more rapidly, if that would help.
Thank you for your reply! I will send a PM with some more details specific to me, but to answer your question, I'm not sure how he would react to that. I'm not sure if he has even thought of me outside the "Mr. Henry" role I take on at the home. I think right now, he is still stunned by the entire process, and the gravity that his parents, who he does love, have lost their rights. And while he understands why, he doesn't agree, and that is where he is at right now. I don't think his mind has fully gotten to the point of, "I will likely be going up for adoption", and even that process of him actually becoming available for adoption is probably six or more months off, just due to the process of it all.
With that said, as long as he is in his current spot, at the same home I work at, long distance contact isn't necessarily possible, due to boundary and preferential concerns from the clinical staff. Right or wrong, they don't want me calling from a distance to talk to certain kids, or even all the kids. When he goes to his next placement, wherever that may be, it may be more of an option.
I will send a PM right now also that may help explain to you more, but all others are welcome to chime in also.
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@Yve Brown it will not let me send you a PM at the moment. Possibly because I'm brand new, or because we are not "friends" on the site? I've requested you, let me know if it is something I am doing wrong.
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Jackson Henry
@Yve Brown it will not let me send you a PM at the moment. Possibly because I'm brand new, or because we are not "friends" on the site? I've requested you, let me know if it is something I am doing wrong.
I just saw this post and have accepted your request. I look forward to your PM. Thank you for bringing the request to my attention as I do not believe I received a notification, or if I did I did not see it in my emails or when I logged in.
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