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Hello everyone!
I have a question.
My wife and I are almost licensed, we just had our home study and are waiting on approval. We are getting a dual license, but matched adoption was our goal. We wanted to adopt one boy that is around our son's age (12).
We have only prepared to add one child to our family, but we found a specific case that has made us second guess our decision. We found twin boys that are the right age, and are in separate foster homes. They only get once a month visitation. My wife has a twin sister, and thinking about losing her parents and her twin all at the same time really pulled on her heart strings.
We're worried about how our son would bond with the twins, since they are already so closely bonded. We know it is going to take some work, even with just one child. We are prepared to participate in family counseling, or anything else we need to do to ease the transition. We worry that our son will always feel like the odd man out. But also acknowledge that it could definitely work out!
We talked it over and came up with a solution, but are not sure if this is something a caseworker would consider.
We would like to take both boys as foster placements. Our goal would absolutely be to adopt them. However, if we felt we didn't blend well as a family, we would commit to fostering them until an adoptive home was found that would take both of them. Our thought was that worse case scenario, at least they are in a home together. We would never adopt another child while we had the twins if we decided not to adopt them. We don't think it would be right, or fair. We would likely open our home for one more foster placement though. (Am I crazy to feel like an even number of kiddos is always better than odd?)
I am curious to see what other foster/adoptive parents think about this? Do you think the caseworker would consider it?
Thank you ahead of time!
Last update on April 16, 5:24 am by Sachin Gupta.
The problem with an odd number is that one is sort of left out. There's no way to know what will happen. However, the fact that they're bio brothers as well as twins may mean that they'll bond quicker and stronger with each other than with your son. Also, there may be some jealousy and some behaviors on the part of the adoptees. Just something to think about.
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One question I would ask with them all being same age is whether your bio son is tat all older than the twins or not. Many foster families subscribe to the concept that it is important not to disrupt birth order by bringing in children that ate older than bios or that would split a birth order line up, as it can lead to resentment by some bio children as they may feel insecure or like they are losing their importance of place. The other thing that is critical in a situation with children close to bio or previously adopted children who are the same age or younger relates to being sure you get full and acurate information about the traumas they have experienced and behaviors exhibited. If they are in separate homes, Iwould want to know WHY they had separate placements as this is atypical. And if a child is listed as being most suited to being the youngest or only child, then you can assume that there would be something that has happened to the child or behaviors exhibited that might be problematic/safety concern for other children in the home. Other times it may merely be a case of special needs that will require such intense care that a parent may not be able to manage the care of other children while giving that child the level of care they need. I hope that whatever path you chose, you will find the right match for you and your family and will be the right match for whatever children are added to your family.
Hello everyone!
I have a question.
My wife and I are almost licensed, we just had our home study and are waiting on approval. We are getting a dual license, but matched adoption was our goal. We wanted to adopt one boy that is around our son's age (12).
We have only prepared to add one child to our family, but we found a specific case that has made us second guess our decision. We found twin boys that are the right age, and are in separate foster homes. They only get once a month visitation. My wife has a twin sister, and thinking about losing her parents and her twin all at the same time really pulled on her heart strings.
We're worried about how our son would bond with the twins, since they are already so closely bonded. We know it is going to take some work, even with just one child. We are prepared to participate in family counseling, or anything else we need to do to ease the transition. We worry that our son will always feel like the odd man out. But also acknowledge that it could definitely work out!
We talked it over and came up with a solution, but are not sure if this is something a caseworker would consider.
We would like to take both boys as foster placements. Our goal would absolutely be to adopt them. However, if we felt we didn't blend well as a family, we would commit to fostering them until an adoptive home was found that would take both of them. Our thought was that worse case scenario, at least they are in a home together. We would never adopt another child while we had the twins if we decided not to adopt them. We don't think it would be right, or fair. We would likely open our home for one more foster placement though. (Am I crazy to feel like an even number of kiddos is always better than odd?)
I am curious to see what other foster/adoptive parents think about this? Do you think the caseworker would consider it?
Thank you ahead of time!
Last update on April 16, 5:35 am by Sachin Gupta.