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I was told that the man who I thought was my Dad isn't my real father by accident by someone who assumed I knew. Obviously, my entire family was keeping this from me and had no intention of ever telling me. I'm 40 YEARS OLD! This happened yesterday and my world has been flipped upside down, I can't sleep or work. I have spoken to a few aunts, uncles, and cousins, and they all knew, It was my mothers wishes to not tell me. I feel so stupid that everyone was in on this lie!
The story goes, my Mother got pregnant at 17 and her boyfriend split and wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy. My father came into her life when I was a toddler and adopted me. Everyone knows who this other guy is and I have since found him online and discovered he has 3 sons. So I have 3 half brothers that I have never met.... I don't know what to do? Do they know I exist? I know my biological father knows I exist.. does he know where I am now, does he care? Does he know I am married and have 2 great children? We did he abandon me? Why has he never tried to contact me. I don't want to ruin other people's lives, but i'm so curious.... who am I? where did my family come from... I feel like me entire life is a lie.
I understand that my mother and adoptive father did the right thing when I was a child and I appreciate that, But when I became an Adult I should have been told. I never felt like I was a part of that family, i'm so different than my half-siblings I grew up with. I am not close to any of them today, I did not have a great childhood. Because no one told me, I feel betrayed...
I really don't know what to do and this is all I think about all day now... my stomach is in knots.
I feel I should let my biological father know that I know and leave it at that.... maybe he has stayed away because he knew I didn't know? I want to message the sons on facebook, but if they don't know I exist, its not fair to them to burden them with this shocker that their Dad, who seems like a great father and family man, got some girl pregnant when he was a teenager and abandoned his child.
Help - I need advice....
I am so sorry that you found out that way. If I were you I would contact your biological father for sure. You only know what you have been told which may or may not be true. There are two sides to every story. You don't really have anything to lose. If he doesn't want communication then you haven't lost anything. If he does then you get some answers. Best case maybe you can have a relationship with him. If he doesn't want to be a part of your life, you should tell him you are interested in at least getting to know your brothers.
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Sean,
I hope you're doing better with this situation by now, I just noticed it's been a year since you posted this.
Just by expressing your feelings about this, you've done a great job in helping yourself. You reached out, you were open and honest, and you asked for help.
Please share what's been going on in your life since you posted this message in Dec. 2017. what has been going on in your life in the past year? Did you meet your half brothers? Did you connect with your birth father? How do you feel about all of this now?
i'm a birth mom and an adoptee, and I can understand both sides of the coin and hopefully give you some insight on your mom's perspective with empathy to your feelings of betrayal.
Cynthia
I was told that the man who I thought was my Dad isn't my real father by accident by someone who assumed I knew. Obviously, my entire family was keeping this from me and had no intention of ever telling me. I'm 40 YEARS OLD! This happened yesterday and my world has been flipped upside down, I can't sleep or work. I have spoken to a few aunts, uncles, and cousins, and they all knew, It was my mothers wishes to not tell me. I feel so stupid that everyone was in on this lie!
The story goes, my Mother got pregnant at 17 and her boyfriend split and wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy. My father came into her life when I was a toddler and adopted me. Everyone knows who this other guy is and I have since found him online and discovered he has 3 sons. So I have 3 half brothers that I have never met.... I don't know what to do? Do they know I exist? I know my biological father knows I exist.. does he know where I am now, does he care? Does he know I am married and have 2 great children? We did he abandon me? Why has he never tried to contact me. I don't want to ruin other people's lives, but i'm so curious.... who am I? where did my family come from... I feel like me entire life is a lie.
I understand that my mother and adoptive father did the right thing when I was a child and I appreciate that, But when I became an Adult I should have been told. I never felt like I was a part of that family, i'm so different than my half-siblings I grew up with. I am not close to any of them today, I did not have a great childhood. Because no one told me, I feel betrayed...
I really don't know what to do and this is all I think about all day now... my stomach is in knots.
I feel I should let my biological father know that I know and leave it at that.... maybe he has stayed away because he knew I didn't know? I want to message the sons on facebook, but if they don't know I exist, its not fair to them to burden them with this shocker that their Dad, who seems like a great father and family man, got some girl pregnant when he was a teenager and abandoned his child.
Help - I need advice....
Last update on January 7, 1:19 pm by megera39.
I hope that you've had positive responses. I just want to point out that the man who raised you is your real father. The other man is your birth father.