Hello everyone! For those out there like me who have reconnected with their birth mother, bio families, or any part of the beginning of our stories, how did your adoptive parents react to this new part of your life?
I’m asking because I’ve been lucky enough to connect with so many biological family members on all sides over the past 6 months. I’m also blessed to have a birth mother who communicates with me a lot and we have become very close friends in addition to being reunited. My point is, to my adoptive parents (who I am still very close to), I know this seems like a lot. I have always made it clear that being reunited feels like adding to my heart, not replacing or changing the love I have for them and always will!
Long story short, it’s still very difficult to talk to them about any of this. I want to understand, but it’s beginning to feel unfair to me that my parents here are basically ignoring this part of my life. Again, I’m not making this all about me by any means and I don’t expect them to be involved in any way besides being respectful of the people I’ve brought into my life and let me share every now and then when I’m excited about something. For instance, my older half-sister is coming to visit me for the first time in a few weeks. So far, I don’t even know if they’ll make an effort to meet her. 😕 I’m frustrated. Thank you for hearing me out. If anyone has some advice, please feel free to let me know! I’d greatly appreciate anything.
I know you posted this quite a while ago, but I'm wondering if you've told your adoptive parents how you feel? I think many in their generation and situation feel really betrayed by what they feel is a "take-back" by birth families. It's ironic, of course, since they are the ones who did the original "taking" and benefitted from the selflessness and generosity as well as pain suffered by the birth family. It's too bad that they cannot show the same generosity towards your other family. If they push you away by not opening themselves to this part of your life that you want to share, they will be creating the outcome they fear the most.
I'd talk to them honestly about your feelings and desire to have some mingling and sharing of people who are important in your life. Funny, if you brought in new friends, they'd probably be glad to know them...the only barrier for them seems to be shared DNA. I'd start there. Good luck
I just saw this too. Sorry to hear you are going through this Blain. It's a hard thing, I think, for our adoptive families. My adoptive parents and I really don't have any clue how to talk to each other about it. It's been very awkward to say the least, but I can't put all the blame on them, as I don't really know how to talk to them about it, either. I agree with you that it is adding to family, not taking any away, but it's still strange. I literally went out and found an entire new family, and I have a relationship with my birth family now and don't expect that to change. Anyway, I don't feel I am doing it "well," so really shouldn't give you advice, other than to say I am thinking of you.
Has it improved since you posted?