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(((hugs)))
You did not make this child this way, you do not have to fix her. The short answer is: no, you do not have to adopt her at the expense of your family. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. If this child has been with you for nearly 2 years and is getting worse instead of better, then you have all the information you need. You DO NOT owe her father a dang thing, so put "letting him down" out of your mind. Your priority is your family, and if that means she has to go somewhere else, then so be it. You are not responsible for this situation, you do not owe anyone anything -- including an explanation on why it didn't work out. It just didn't.