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Hello,
My husband and I are hoping to adopt a baby to complete our family. We have two biological children, ages 4 (almost 5) and 3 and we would love to provide them with another sibling to go through life with. I experienced pregnancy complications with both, and we are not comfortable pursuing a third pregnancy due to prematurity and other high health risks. I am personally unfamiliar with adoption, as I don't know anyone who has been adopted, or who has adopted a child to discuss things with. I am wondering if anyone on here has some perspective to share with me in regards to a dynamic such as ours, that would blend adopted children with bio children and how this might impact our biological children as well as the adopted child. I am doing as much research as I possibly can, but there doesn't seem to be a wealth of perspective on this particular issue - at least not in the form of personal experiences that people have had. We want to prepare our children and ourselves as much as possible, and also be knowledgable for our new child so that we can support them as best as possible.
Was there sibling rivalry/resentment that was specific to adoption? I feel this is my biggest concern overall. I just want all children to be secure in their relationship with their parents and each other, and not have adoption vs biological be an issue as much as possible.
International adoption is an interest of ours, although my first assumption is that it would make the transition more difficult for our current children to bring home a toddler, rather than a domestic infant adoption and bringing home a baby. Any experience or perspective on this as far as which would be more conducive to an easy transition for all children?
I apologize in advance if anything comes across wrong in my post - I am very new to this discussion and am here wanting to learn as much as possible! Thank you in advance. :)
I do not have biological children. However, others have posted that your bio children should be older than your adopted children. You don't say if you're going to do infant adoption or adopt from foster care. Either way, you won't know what the child will be like. If you adopt from foster care, that child will have issues just from being separated from his/her parents. There may be abuse, picking on, stealing from.... just something to think about.
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Hi Terri!
Thank you for considering adoption. I am an adult adoptee, who was adopted a few months after birth. I don't remember any of that of course. I have a younger brother, who is the natural son of my adopted parents. The mere fact that you are asking these questions leads me to believe you are on the right path.
My brother and I had a very "normal" brother/sister relationship growing up. The part of being adopted that was hard on me and had the longest term negative impact was the fact that my parents tried to adopt another baby, a girl, and that adoption fell through. She lived with us for a few months when I was young. I definitely had a fear throughout my childhood that I could be given or taken back. It's not a fear I openly shared with anyone, and in retrospect I wish someone had talked to me more about that baby. It's still a subject I cannot bring up to my adoptive parents.
So- I think it is a wonderful thing you are considering and I definitely think it is possible to blend biological and adopted children. I have a great relationship with my brother who I grew up with and also have a great relationship with my biological family today.
Good luck with your journey!
I`am going to answer this from the perspective of the sibling. I am now 44 so I have an adult perspective on my childhood
There were 6 of us in the family. 4 were “bio” kids 2 were “adopted” My adopted sister is 2 years older than me and adopted when she was 18 months (so I wasn’t born yet) My “bio” sister was 18 months younger than me. My adopted brother was 4 years older than me and adopted when he was 6 - so I was 2. One bio brother is 4 years older than me the other is 5 years older…. So there were 6 kids 7 years apart. As an adult —- YEAH I think that is CRAZY!
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Last update on July 19, 7:08 am by Jon Walter.