Hi, I'm not really sure what to post here (first time) but lately I have been very confused and sad. I am in my early twenties...I was adopted and have been coping with the loss of my birth mother (I don't know anything about). I was very little when I was adopted so I have no memories of anything. A couple times a year I feel this horrible loss, but I cant put words too. I get very sad when I see families together because I am missing the genetic connection. I envy friends who know their parents and biological family. I then get angry at everyone in my head and feel ashamed for feeling such strong anger and sadness. The worst part of it (my therapist calls grief) is when I have this deep sadness in me that I can't put words too. I feel this deep horrible feeling in my body like something is missing and something died. It's like something is tearing in me and I have lost something but I don't know what I lost. But I can't put words to and it is very frustrating. The deep sadness has been coming up lately at the most inconvenient times at work and school. I have been crying off and on a lot lately. I catch myself at work looking at faces and wondering what their heritage is and wondering if we are somehow related. It's a very lonely feeling. At times I can barely breath and I just feel this horrible sadness and I can barely get through each minute. I walk around carrying this loss that nobody sees or I feel like it's not okay to experience. Other times it's a dull ache, a longing to know my birth mother.
There are so many questions that will be never be answered. I don't know my genetic history or anything. It was a closed adoption. The longing of wishing I knew somebody I never met is such a isolating and shameful feeling. Its like it screams inside me but has nowhere to go.
I'm not really sure what to post here but I have never posted here. I'm just feeling very alone with this feeling and some support would be great.
I have tried lighting a candle, or going to a place in nature but I end up judging my self because I can't even remember the loss and losing my birth mother. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling the pain and push it aside because I cant even remember the loss. I feel like it's not right for me to be feeling this loss. Or since there was no funeral, or not recognizing as a death it's wrong for me to be trying to cope with it. Then I shut it down but I end up crying all over again at the worst of times. But lately, it has been coming up and I can't keep ignoring it.
Does anyone have any suggestions what has helped them through out their day, when this sadness comes up? I feel like I am the only one who feels this way. I don't know anyone in my life who is coping with this too and I can confide in. My adoptive family is supportive but I feel like I can't really talk to them abut it. I hate getting close to my adoptive family or having a "bonding moment". I get this squirmy feeling inside and feel like I need to run from the situation. Either bonding or just hugging my adoptive dad or mom. I'm hoping I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. Some suggestions would be great...much appreciated.
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Hey, Emily you're normal. I've tried those things too. I know who my mom is and it still doesn't work.
Me too and I'm not the only one. The human infant considers itself to be one with the mother until it is 18 months old. You lost not just a parent but literally part of yourself. Sadly, what people think they know about adoption adds layers of loss upon loss.
Look there's a few thousand of us (adoptees only ) trying to heal ourselves on this other platform.
Come join us. It's the best thing I ever did. You can just look around for a bit until you feel comfortable speaking but you'll notice quickly you are not alone.
We've got everything represented open to closed, considering options, searching for families, happy ever afters, second rejections, and everything in between.
Last update on December 28, 12:18 pm by megera39.
I feel very sad that I cant have birthfamily and the older I get the worse I feel about that plus I cant stand non adoptess they like to tell me how birthfamily isn't important that makes me so angry the non adoptees always like to pick on me they like to tell me how being adopted is the same life as not being adopted wich makes me angry having birthfamily and not having birthfamily ios a whole different kind of life something the dumb mean non adoptess cant understand I have no birthfamily and no friends
having birthfamily and not having birthfamily is not the same kind of life . adopted people are not allowed birthfamily people that are not adopted wich is non adoptees are allowed to have birthfamily
even though adopted people like me are not allowed to have birthfamily adopted people should be allowed to have birthfamily just like everybody else ,thanksgiving can be a lonely time for adopted people like me , birthfamily and housing should be a right not a dam prevledge or luxury