My husband and I have been foster parents just over 1.5 years. We became foster parents to eventually adopt if the situation presented itself. We have been placed with 5 children from 3 different families since we began this journey. Two months ago the first two children we had placed with us returned as emergency placement, so we currently have all 5 children in the home: 4 year old twin FD, 2 year old FD, 1 year old FS, and 6 month old FD. 5 under 5....we are stressed but surviving. The younger two came into care under reunification, but with a strong likely hood of adoption (it is just going to take us years to get there.) And we are very committed to seeing out their journey and adopting them. The two year old will eventually be reunited, but we are already a year in and she probably won't return home until mid-2019 (unless something changes good/bad). The 4 year old twins, came back on emergency placement, need adoptive placement. Goal of TPR was just set and cw is preparing to file. We have been asked to be adoptive placement because we have the strongest bond with the girls. We have been on and off the fence for over a month trying to decide what to do. We thought we may get to go through a staffing and either the "perfect" family would appear or we would decide we were the perfect family...then we got word that Bio-Mom has found an adoptive placement, so it is either us or them. How do you know what is the right decision for these girls? We don't know if our family is supposed to have 2 or 4 kids...or potentially none when all is said and done. We don't know if we can keep up the stress level of supporting 5 kids under 5 until the 2 year old goes home.... How do you know? I keep going back to my inability to commit being the answer, that we shouldn't adopt the girls. Thoughts/Advice?
This is really hard to say. With such a huge decision like adoption, it is kind of hard to tell you to kind of see how it plays out. If the bio mom found an adoptive parent for her children, how likely is that to happen? Is it a kinship adoption? Because if not it seems odd that they would consider someone who is not kin, over someone they have been with and feel safe around.
Another thing to consider, because it seems that all of your kids are potentially adoptable in the long run, is which ones you would be willing to adopt. Not sure how to word this, because I am not saying to pick your favorites! But just think like this; would you be willing to adopt all 5 kids? If you adopt these girls, and the other 2 or the 2 year old became adoptable, would you adopting the twins stop you from adopting the other children? And would you be fine with that?
Again, not trying to tell you to pick your favorites, but I know with adopting it is a serious life choice and not something to t take lightly. There are so many families wanting to adopt, so it never does any good to adopt a child you do not have a connection with.
On the other hand, it can be very difficult to decide to adopt them, and get your hopes up, only to end in them choosing the other adoption choice.
I would recommend talking with the person working your case and see what your chances are. Ask when they know if this other person will be a real threat to you potentially adopting the girls, or if your chances would be higher.
Another great thing you can try thinking about: When they were removed from you the first time, how did you feel? Did you feel like the normal sadness of a child leaving, or did it feel as if they took *your* children away? Would you be willing to go through that pain again without a fight? I feel like you have a small advantage because you have lost them once, and they have been returned. So I would say, talk to your husband and really consider how you felt when they left you, and again, if you are willing to go through it again, or if you want to fight to not go through it again. I would not recommend adopting them if it just 'comes down to it' and no one else is willing. Really make sure it is the right choice for you, and something you want to commit to full time.
Hope something helped! Good luck!:)