Disappointed - Birth Mothers Help

Meeting my birth mother was to date the most disappointing experience of my life. I left feeling unwanted, unloved, and unimportant. I wanted to kill myself after each visit with her because she didn't consider me her daughter.I'll never understand what I did wrong. Why I am so forgettable. Legally I had a closed adoption but since my adoptive parents aren't monsters they never held us to that. NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT SHE LEGALLY COULDN'T CONTACT MEI WAS NEVER TOLD THAT SHE WOULD NEVER SHOW UP.My adoptive parents had no issue with contact so as far as I was concerned the only thing keeping us apart was the distance, which was huge. (see photo below) My adoptive parents told me that they told me first while I was in my crib. I carried my birth mothers photos around with me while in preschool. I got on everyone's nerves at my school because I would not shut up about my other mom. I loved her. I took the doll she gave me at birth to college with me. I guess that umbilical cord goes both ways. I wanted to talk to my birth mom as a kid but she didn't seem to feel the same way. Every few years I'd get a card or letter but it was inconsistent. She came to visit me when I was 10. My adoptive parents sat me down and asked if I wanted her in my life. I said "She can do whatever she wants" and my parents agreed. They told me from the age of 10, that whatever contact I had with her would be my choice. So I sat and waited to hear from her again. I received a few emails throughout the years after that.But she didn't want to see me again until I was 22. 12 years I waited to be worth seeing ... In that time, I did everything imaginable to get her attention. I graduated valedictorian. I trained horses. I ran a bible club. Yearbook staff, debate team, Model United Nations. Nothing ever worked. (We were friends on social media and to be honest, my social mediawas only an attempt to impress her. I was a bit over the top and bragged way too much.)During what I assume she calls our reunion at 22, I learned that she had kept me a secret. Seriously, your kid has that kind of resume. Graduated with honors from college that she went to a scholarship and you aren't proud of her? I wanted to cuss her out that day but I fell in love with my half-sister (who never quite returned that either) so I kept my hurt to myself. When I was 28, she looked me in the eyes and told me that I had been forgotten. She blocked me out. Intentionally!!! The Secret to Forgotten. I am so angry at her all the time. It hurts so bad.All those years I shed tears over her and wished to see her, I wasn't even thought about!!!When at 30 I tried to start talking about how all this made me feel, she argued with me about why she had to give me up. And I kept thinking "the situation prior to my birth prevented you from caring about me, how?"Birth Moms: Why would anyone do this to a child? I just don't get it. She picked out my parents surely she knew that she could trust them?Why did she treat me like this? Why did she act like it was acceptable? What could I have done to make her love me back?--- We aren't talking right now. I've made it clear what my boundaries are and how I expect to be treated. Being listend to being number one. She was 2 hours away when I give her the ultimatium to be in my life or to stay away. She made her choice and now I'm trying to honor it.