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I just found out, I have a 30 year old daughter, from 23 and me. I am the father. I am all new to this, so I apologize if any of my words are not correct/proper.
This is not a total surprise, as I was in a college relationship back then, and I had heard rumors after our relationship ended, that she was pregnant, but the birth mother never said anything to me. I contacted the birth mother several times through 1-10 years later, and she never mentioned it. Obviously she did not want me to know.
In 23 and me, my birth daughter by chance put her name there. The name was pretty unique, so I was able to do some quick internet searches, and found some sites, face book etc. I had to look, and sure enough she looked like myself and her birth mom. The daughter stated in 23 and me that she would like to meet birth family. I am not sure how long she has been on 23 and me. I have been on for several years, just to check medical background ( no concerns :) ). I am not sure how long the function was there, but I selected the area you can connect to relatives, and this is how I saw the close relative match.
If I reach out to my birth daughter, should I reach out to her adopted parents first, or just reach out directly to my birth daughter?
Maybe there is a reason the adopted parents would not want me to reach out, that they could fill me in on. Current concerns, or other issues from past. The quick look on facebook (I hope that does not sound like I am stalking or something bad), seems like the have had a nice "normal" life. Not sure whose choice it is to meet birth parents, the adopted parents, or the adopted child.
I am not sure if I will reach out yet. I am not sure what (if anything) my birth daughter has seen on 23 and me. I do not know what the adopted parents know about the birth parents. If by me reaching out, it opens up the possibility of her finding out the birth mother, maybe birth mother does not want contact. And of course, my current family (wife and grade school age son). No way of knowing the reactions there. Not sure they would even believe me, let alone understand.
Sorry I just have a lot of questions, and thoughts flowing around I am thinking about now, and was hoping to starting getting some reactions/thoughts/helpful hints from others. To start getting some perspective on what I am working through.
thank you
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Millie58....I think you are my new best friend...This is really hard...there could be no good answers to apply to anything here. I do like the idea of reaching out as a connection with out saying I am father. Really sad, as so much I see is about the birth mother not birth father. Sometimes the birth father is not given a choice, is not part of the process, for what ever reason the birth mother views as bad. Maybe sometimes birth mother view is wrong???
I have lost 30 years of a life, I will never know....because everyone is focused on birth mother...
Could I have influenced....maybe
Could I have taken her in a different direction...maybe
would she still have my soul....yes, and she always will....my hope is there...