23 and me showed me as father of unknown daughter from 30 years ago. She is open to meeting birth parents, should I?

Dear Timmy,That is a difficult position to be in. (I said it was a rollercoaster ride!) It's always possible that she has gotten the information she sought and that's all she needed. There are, of course, several other possibilities: she may have talked to her aparents and they are hurt, or she may worry that they will be hurt; she may have contacted her birth mother who got upset that you had found out; she may just need time to process. I'm not sure it's the best idea, but I would be tempted to contact the bmother to find out why she never told you she was pregnant. I never told the bfather of my son that I was pregnant for a number of reasons (including the fact that he got engaged an married to another girl before I gave birth.) I did tell him before I signed the final papers because I wanted the family medical information to be as complete as possible. [I asked him one time in later years what he wanted me to do if I was contacted by our son and he wanted to meet his birth father; he said he'd leave it up to my judgment. Unfortunately, he had died before I reconnected with my son.] I doubt that you did anything to push her away; contacting you has undoubtedly brought up strong emotions that she is not yet willing or able to share. Try to patiently (!) give her time. Send her emails that are welcoming but not demanding. Tell her about her extended family; stories about yourself - now and growing up. Unless she tells you to stop emailing her, keep writing. I think sometimes adoptees have difficulty trusting their birth parents because they feel the parents abandoned them originally and don't know if they will stay this time. Some adoptees will cut off communication because they fear the parent will do so, so they end it on their terms. Unfortunately there is no precise timeline for any of this. She may come back soon or not for years. I encourage you to keep the door open. I understand the "secret" part. While my husband and family knew about my son (I told my children when they were teenagers), it was not something I shared with many people. Since our reunion it is out in the open although it's still difficult for me to talk about it with some people because I don't know how they will respond. Do you have someone in your life that you can share the news with? Her existence is not something you've been hiding - you didn't know about it. Conversations here can be helpful, but it's probably even more helpful if you can talk to some one in "real life." Blessings, Kathy