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Oh Kelly :cry: my heart goes out to you. I'm probably not the help that you are seeking, but I wanted to reply to this. I can't imagine you are the only person this has happened to and I truly hope you connect with others that have had the same experience. I am thankful you shared your story and I think it's a very real concern that parents like yours should be aware of.
I did relate slightly. I too am an only child. My situation didn't involve any adoptions, but I acquired 2 step sisters along the way and they are biological sisters. I'm also 10 years older and always tried forming some kind of sisterly bond with them, but it never panned out that way. And like you, I finally stopped trying. I know it's not the same thing, but I do know that feeling of not fitting in.
I think you did the right thing by trying to reach out to people with a similar situation. Considering you don't feel you can get anywhere with your family, I think it's your best bet towards a solution ... at least that way you can swap stories, get other perspectives, and be a support system for each other. That would help take away the burden you may feel it puts on your husband and kids. Now we just need to find you those people!
I may have read something wrong, but what about the first adopted child? Asian too? Does that one fit in with the 3 that came later?