Denied adoption because we're foster parents? Gross communication failure by DCF offices.

We need support/advice please help if you can with wisdom or advice...SIX MONTHS ago we inquired about a child listed on the adoption photo listing in our state. She had medical needs. We were advised by DCF that they were considering an out of state family member placement but that they wanted a second plan in place because they believed it was in the child's best interest to remain in the state where her medical providers are who have cared for her since birth. They were clear the chance existed that she would be placed with the family member thousands of miles away. The more we learned about her from the foster mother, the more we believed this little girl was worth the risk of becoming involved. We were given authorization to visit with foster mother & the child as well as attend medical appointments, therapy and speak with several of her doctors. We fell in love with her, wanted for her to be a part of our family forever. We currently have two foster children in our home both perm plans are to reunify. One child is a toddler with us since birth, it's been hard on her because she does not handle sudden change very well, does not have a bond with her mother, but she is two so the issues are limited to some temper tantrums, excessive clingyness which we have reported to DCF as a way to keep the caseworker informed but we have always been able to effectively manage this in part because we are experienced parents, and have sought out to have ourselves trained in trauma based parenting (TBRI) Being two and not able to articulate her feelings means we are limited to what we can do other than provide the support as needed (e.g. hugs) We also have a 7 month old FC. I will add that we have a very supportive community of friends and family and our church who provide assistance to us on a consistent basis. Back to the child we sought to adopt. We were teamed, the team unanimously selected our family as an adoptive resource for the child and called to tell us so but warned us that there was still a chance the judge could rule in favor of the out of state placement with the family member. Meanwhile, we were still allowed to carry on with visits and attending medical appointments which we did consistently every week, for three months. My husband and I and the child began to bond, she was excited to see us and we played an active role in her therapies. We then began to bring our foster toddler with us when her plan changed to TPR/adoption. Which subsequently & unexpectedly changed back to reunification just recently. We were contacted and told that there would be a trial regarding the out of state placement of the child because the parents attorney filed for her to be moved to the family member. We were contacted by the AAG and asked to prepare for trial, if we were told we did not volunteer we would have to be subpoenaed to go to trial. The AAG gave us a list of questions and we spent the week prepping for trial. In the midst of this we met with the child's attorney at one of the medical visits. Please note all the people involved in this matter... On the day of trial we were told that we would not be needed. We made contact with the AAG to find out the status, she told us that they never went before the judge DCF and the attorneys made an agreement to have the child moved to the family member. The AAG told us that she did not agree and made efforts to have someone intervene right up to contacting the Commissioner but was unsuccessful in her attempts. We were told that the decision was made from "higher ups in DCF". We were saddened because we were so concerned about the child and all the progress that she had made, being non-verbal it was likely going to be very, very difficult transition especially leaving her psychological parents (foster parents)who had cared for her for her first three years. Two days later, we received a call from DCF informing us that the family member opted out and no longer wanted to take the child. They were excited and asked us if we were still interested in being adopting this little one, of course our commitment to her was 100%! We said absolutely. We were so excited! Two weeks later we received a call from our support worker who was telling us that they needed to speak about this child with us, he was very vague but kept saying "it's a lot" to take on this child considering the reunification of the toddler in our home. He was really rushing that we have a conference call, I mean he called us many times forcing this to happen quickly. Finally, without much of an opportunity to prepare we called. What we were told floored us. We were told that they never knew that we were teamed or selected as a preadoptive placement, no one ever informed them and if they did they would have said no. The manager was very cold very angry in her tone clearly she was upset with this other office but she was taking it out on us, telling us as if she was denying us some item, and not breaking our hearts regarding a child we intended to adopt. They kept referring back to the one foster child in our home who in essence is in our home temporarily, where the child we were wanting to adopt needs permanent home. We love the children in our home and we would adopt them all if it came to it, we were in no way going to shirk our responsibility to the foster child in our care. In fact these two children got along very well, we saw it only as a benefit to them both that they shared a relationship. It was clear to us that the manager was angry at this other office as she had said " This office on the other side of the state wants to place a medically complex child into our district with one of OUR families and doesn't consult us! No, it's not going to happen!We are a family in good standing, we have no complaints against us. We don't understand how this child who was abandoned by her parents, then abandoned by her family and now is being abandoned by the agency responsible for her welfare. Our entire family is grief stricken & we are discouraged. Any advice please, we are so devastated !