Hello all.
I just joined this forum to try to find people that may understand my situation, which I can't talk to anybody else around me.
I am 27 years old guy, living in a family of my mom and dad. They are perfect persons with total care about my needs. I was never told that I am adopted , until I was 17 and someday by the chance, I heard my parents talking about me when I was at my room and they didn't know that I hear them. I just find this fact out for the first time and I just...broke, I felt all my soul break apart in pieces, to the core of my self and identity.
I just didn't project this fact to them, I didn't tell them at all ! I just decided to carry this burden on my own. Because they loved and love me so much, highly dependent to me. Specially mommy . I just had a fear that they lose their love to me, and they heart get broke, because they always loved me unconditionally.
12 years passed now and that happened during this? let me tell you. Before I knew this fact, I was a top student at my school with top marks and I was just so energetic and creative, all teachers were calling me a genius guy, but after that incident, I just became numb to life, I almost could do nothing and finish nothing in life, my work, my study in the university. till now , I feel nothingness, emptiness in the core of my psyche and self, nothing is important to me, seems like this life is not mine, I dont have any identity, like a tree without roots to get nourished. I have problems in doing simple things, making decisions, struggling in talking to my gf or abybody else. I can never start and finish a job completely, I dont see any light in life, any future, any planning and hope, I feel like I am a zombie , just waiting my life to end, even suicidal thoughts seem futile to me.
now my dad is 71 and mom is 60 yrs old. They almost aged and many problems with it. I cant decide to talk to them about this and I still carry this in my own. I am tired of numbness, nothingness and rootlessness , even writing this sentences is struggling for me lol, I feel totally disabled and non functional, no energy and hope and dependence , no attachment to any root, I dont know who I am, like I feel a body with zero and empty soul and self.
sorry it was too long, thanks for reading and I wish u get me some help or advice.