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I’m a 21 year old female in Arkansas. I go by Shae. My biological parents were drug users and still are. I was adopted by my grandparents and was neglected by them from the age of 9. I had behavioral issues growing up due to abuse and an attachment disorder. They had utterly refused to try with me and would place me in long term facilities back to back so that I would never be home. I haven’t graduated school, and I’m finally comfortable with saying I’ve learned basic survival skills (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). I feel incomplete and scared. I feel like I’ve been in fight or flight mode since I’ve turned 18. I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and I couldn’t begin to express to you how much I long for a family, I don’t even want a perfect one, just something other than this empty hole. Everything I’ve learned so far in life, I have had to learn the hard way. Either by suffering the negative consequences, or by holding on by the beds of my nails. I feel detached from others due to my lack of family. I feel hurt that I not only got one set of parents, but two, and I am still alone. Even my name causes pain. I have two birth certificates with two names and neither bring me joy. I have both of my biological parents in my life but want to cut that tie. My biological father sold me for drugs after I had re-entered his home at 17. I became pregnant from it and tried to raise the daughter I had for a year and a half. Raising a child conceived from rape was way harder than I could have imagined, especially with nothing but the clothes on my back. Sadly, I had no choice but to put her up for adoption. I still see her occasionally. I couldn’t stop talking to either of my parents after what my father did to me. It’s the only “family” I have and I cling desperately to it. All I really want is someone who can provide me guidance on a level more than a “friend”. I want a parent. You don’t have to legally adopt me or change my name, but I am incredibly open to it.
On the bright side of things I’ve been an artist since I could pick up a pen. I work on cars for fun occasionally (small jobs like radiators, hoses, or regular part replacements). I started hand sewing “outfits” at 8 and I also crochet. I have a lot of odd knowledge and fun facts. I can drive a stick shift (I guess that’s cool) and I can operate a motorcycle. I also bake and decorate cakes and pastries occasionally. I have several tattoos and piercings (but if you want to get onto me about them you can).
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Hi Shae,
Your post really touched me and resonated with me.
I am a 48yo single woman, living in New England. While I am not a typical mother figure, and I do not have any children, I do have love and support to give, and (I think!) some wisdom to share as well.
If you'd like to communicate with me, reach out to me at: nocturna666@hotmail.com
I came across this forum because I was thinking it would be nice to have a place where people could search for the familial relationships that they do not have, but desire and need in their life. I lost both of my parents at a relatively young age. I believe it would be nice to be able to create family bonds with others searching for them/needing them as well, in the way we do friendships, but that will give us something that we can't get from friendship alone.
Love and support to you, Shae. You've been through an awful lot, and you seem to still be a strong, caring, resilient soul.
-Monique
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