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My adoptive parents have become distant..
Our adoptive parents, through our agency contract have to send updated pictures once a year, usually they send at least 6 pictures all with captions on how she is doing and how much she's grown. This year was only 2 pictures, no captions. I feel like as she gets older they no longer want to share her with us. When we first met our agreement they said it would be fine to send birthday cards. they even gave us their home address to send them to. (Our written contract says to send to the adoption agency to pass on). I never have because I felt I should give them their space. I'm hoping they haven't taken that as a lack in interest. I think about her every day. I'm wondering if I should send a card (she'll be four this year) or have I gone to long without sending anything that at this point it's over stepping my bounds..
Am I too much in my head about this? Any advice is appreciated
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Hey girl.
I can see how that would be confusing. There's a lot of feelings of insecurity when you give your child to a couple in good faith that they'll do right by you and not just just the child.
When I gave my son to his adopted parents, we had endless contracts and guidelines about how we would handle communication and visitation. After about a month, all those guidelines melted away and we found a very natural groove.
This may be hard to hear (and of course it may not be true for you), but maybe this distance is the most natural balance between you and your baby girl. Perhaps if you can find a way to feel peaceful and trusting in where she's at, it'll feel natural for you too.
If that doesn't strike any chord with you, then reach out to them about your feelings and be honest. Be humble so they don't feel attacked. That will have the opposite effect. But make it clear that you're struggling with the waning communication and ask if there's information you're missing or anything like that.
You are half the equation in this adoption. While your rights to the child are no more, your love for her is sincere, and I'm sure her parents know that. Giving you their home address when they didn't have to was an act of good faith, which tells me there's kindness and trust there. Lean into it and express your needs.
My adoptive parents have become distant..
Our adoptive parents, through our agency contract have to send updated pictures once a year, usually they send at least 6 pictures all with captions on how she is doing and how much she's grown. This year was only 2 pictures, no captions. I feel like as she gets older they no longer want to share her with us. When we first met our agreement they said it would be fine to send birthday cards. they even gave us their home address to send them to. (Our written contract says to send to the adoption agency to pass on). I never have because I felt I should give them their space. I'm hoping they haven't taken that as a lack in interest. I think about her every day. I'm wondering if I should send a card (she'll be four this year) or have I gone to long without sending anything that at this point it's over stepping my bounds..
Am I too much in my head about this? Any advice is appreciated