I am an adopted only child.
I think about the fact of my adoption every single day since i can remember. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way also?? I cannot seem to find ANYONE to talk to about this, Please let me know!!!
My Adotpted parents are much older than typical parents. i am 26, my father is 73 and my mother is 68.
I used to say all the time that i am "blessed, or humbled" for being adopted, and that i was lucky.
But as i grow, i question what might have been. I love them and what they have given for and to me. But they were also very hard workers, and succesfull in their careers. They would be on a work trip at least every week. One would be gone one week, then the other would be gone the next. When i was in elementary school i was taken care of by a nanny they hired. They tried to be in town on the weekends at the same time, and we did spend a lot of time during our vacations, or trips to my grandmothers ranch. But there is still a sense of lost time with on another.
I see how my friends interact with their parents, and siblings, and want that connections so badly. Really with anyone. But i am realizing that its just not going to happen for me. Is it sad, or is it just reality that i inevitably have to accept? I also feel like my experience has caused me to have self esteem issues, accompanied with often times feeling not good enough, or rejected. And to be honest, it hurts .
I think about what it would be like to have a brother or sister all the time. I would love to share my love, and loyalty with someone, because i would take a bullet for anyone that shows the same loyalty!!
Hi Scott,
I appreciate you being vulnerable and transparent enough to put this out there...that's brave! Though I am not adopted, I have been a social worker in foster care and adoption for over 15 years and I have worked tirelessly in my state on the rights of adult adoptees and the rights of birth parents for the exact reasons you highlight here with how you feel. You are NOT alone in how you feel or your experience! There are so many other young (and older) people, who have a tremendous amount of gratitude and respect for their adoptive parents, but who also still wonder "what if". I do not like to use the word "normal", but I will say that this is not uncommon. I can also understand how expressing these feelings with your parents would be complicated because of your love and respect for them and the sacrifices that they made for you. I think joy and gratitude and co-exist with grief and loss, and that is ok. It's ok for you to exist in both places. Feeling one doesn't lessen or cancel out the other, so allow yourself the space to have gratitude and grief in your life story. If it is possible, reach out to the agency that facilitated your adoption as they may offer support groups or resources to adult adoptees. It may be helpful to connect with others who are navigating similar experiences and feelings. If something doesn't already exist, don't be afraid to start a support group for adult adoptees. Your story and experience have is important! Honor that and stay in community with others so that you can have support in your journey of healing. I hope that you find some peace and clarity.