So it’s been a while since I was on this site. When I was on before most of the time I was venting, because I had no one to talk to. I was confused, mad, unloved, probably every emotion out there flip flopping back and forth. I guess it was just the natural feelings after finding out I was adopted at the age of 18.
So I was born in 1978. I’m a biracial child raised in a black family. Don’t get me wrong I had a great life. I was wanted and loved by everyone. Everything that was hidden from me was done to protect my feelings. How can I be mad at that? Well, now I’m 41 and I’m the one left to process it all. It’s been a rough road. I didn’t have to wonder why I was given up. A biracial baby in 1978, I got it. I never looked for my birth family, one because I have my own family, a mom and dad, two older brothers..., two I figured I haven’t gone anywhere , you know where you left me lol. My only hesitation was that I knew I had a sister that was only 2 years old when I was born. 5 years ago I decided to do the only thing and my final thing in secret without telling my family. I wanted to know but didn’t want to hurt them. I decided to do Ancestry. When my results came back for months I checked all the time and then I stopped checking. I made peace with everything and moved on with my life.
Fast forward June 2019. I suddenly began getting emails from ancestry. It was a woman saying we were matched as a sibling, but she didn’t know how. I knew how. I started messaging her and asked her not to say anything, but how can you keep something like that. She was very respectful of my wishes until I was able to explain to my family what was happening. My mom has always protected me, stood by me, and this was the hardest thing I to tell her. I felt like I was telling her she was enough and I wanted more, even though she had given me the world. It hurt, but I had to do it for me.
Fast forward February 29th, after months of chatting back and forth, I met my sister for the first time in 41 years. It’s made my life complete. She waited patiently for me to get it together and wanted to be in my life. I can’t tell you how much it means for someone in my own family, with my own blood to want me. After all of the years I felt unwanted by them. It’s so hard to put into words. I’m not mad at my birth mother or birth father. Even though I know my mom, dad( the people that raised me) and the rest of my family love me behind words, they can’t protect me from what happened. Meeting my sister has changed me.
I am who I am. I have a tough exterior, but inside not so much. She lives near her (my birth mother). I know now the time is coming that I have to face her. That kind of scares me and I don’t scare easily. I’m happy where I am though. I think everything happens for a reason. I think it was just meant to be. Now I really am at peace with it all.
Thanks for your story.
In my case I think they hid the truth from me to protect the birth parents and adoptive parents, not to protect my feelings. Personally, I'm still really angry that i was lied to for so long. At least you were told when you were 18 and not middle aged like me. I can understand if birth parents were teens or something wanting to keep it a secret for the first few years, but not forever. And the adoptive parents don't really have an excuse to me, so IMO don't be overly protective of your adoptive parents.
I do think it's a horrible sin of the USA to keep adoption information from the person that was adopted. Especially in the case of not knowing about the adoption to begin with, or where the adoption occurred, since I'm guessing it often happens out of state from where your birth certificate says. You'd think the govt would at least tell the person they were adopted and basic history. I get it that there are reasons like teen pregnancy, addiction, etc that would cause an adoption so i don't want contact. That's not a good enough reason to hide my history from me.