Hi everyone!
I’m new here and new to foster care. I am a single foster mom to an amazing happy little baby! I love being a foster mom it’s something I have always wanted to do but I am currently dealing with a very difficult bio mom. I was communicating with her pretty often through a texting app and everything was going okay. She will make ridiculous request and seems to have very limited knowledge of babies. I’ve been told there is suspected mental illness so I have been trying my best to suggest different things and sharing articles with her when she has questions or suggests that i do something very age inappropriate. I have bit my tongue so many times but she is constantly ready to fight and tell me I’m doing something wrong. I go out of my way to be nice and send her pictures and videos but I am fed up! She is so mean all the time! And she is so confident in everything she says even though she is incorrect. It got to a point today where I had to block her from everything. I understand that she’s taking her anger out on me because her child was taken away and I understand that I’m sure she has natural feelings of jealousy and sadness and anger. I really do, but at the same time it’s so hard to deal with! She seems so entitled as if I owe it to her to constantly send her pictures and takes absolutely no responsibility for anything, just sees herself as a victim. She’s this way with everyone so I know I shouldn’t take it personally but it’s so hard not to. I do feel bad for blocking communication (other than a journal that goes back and forth) because I wanted to keep the relationship good for the sake of the child. But I’m just not seeing the benefits right now and it’s so hard to deal with. I guess I’m looking for advise or suggestions or even stories of struggles or successes dealing with bios.
I'm sure everyone who's been doing this for any length of time has a horror story or two about bio parents. You're right though, she's angry and sad and you're an easy target. She views you as the enemy because you get the moments with her child that she does not have. And some of them are downright mean. You don't have to take that and you shouldn't feel bad about blocking her. Maybe she'll get the idea that you get more bees with honey than with vinegar. But...maybe she won't. A lot don't. I had one bio mom who wouldn't say a single word to me. Not in the entire 10 months we had her child did she say one single word to me. And that's sad, but nothing you can do.
On the other hand, they're not all like that. I've had a couple who've hugged me and thanked me for taking care of their children in a difficult time when they weren't able to. One of these bio parents still view us as part of their family. After they got their children back, they maintained contact and we get them for a few days every couple of weeks. It helps them with childcare, it helps us with the loss of the children we cared for for over a year, and it helps the children maintain a contact with people who've cared for them.
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