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I was hoping to gain some knowledge and advice on relationships with adopted adults. Me and my bf currently have been dating half a year, and still has told me he does not feel like he loves me yet and feels pressured to say that he does. I reassured him that there is no rush and that I appreciate his honesty. But we have recently been into arguments about how I feel that he does not open up, which he recently shared with me that when anyone tells him that they love him, he feels uncomfortable. We would go back and fourth and turns out he revealed it was because he struggled with his adoption (which I assumed) and that he is trying to work on it, and did not want to further explain on it. I do not pressure him to bring anything up but I do notice he brings up his adopting on occasions and when I ask further questions that are too personal he shuts down and does not want to talk about it. I have noticed throughout the months when things get too personal (for example conversations about his emotions and how I feel about him) he starts distancing himself and pushing me away. Im willing to work with it and reassure him that I’m here to stay for as long as he wants me in his life regardless if it’s me being his girlfriend or his friend and that I am not going anywhere. I just wanted to know what are some ways that I can support him and help him with his feelings/ adoption.
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I'm sure folks have better suggestions than I. There are books for adoptees, etc that help understand feelings and emotions. If you want a relationship with someone having those feelings, it might help for you to read some of that material.Adoptees often have strong feelings around relationship issues and feeling that things won't last. It can be very hard for them to commit because that's opening themselves up to the risk of rejection. If he's open to it, therapy might be a good idea, but these aren't things you can push him to.The best we can do sometimes is to be supportive in general, be patient, and just listen. When he brings it up, don't ask, just listen. That he's talking about it at all is good, but this isn't something that can be rushed. (Advice I'm currently having a hard time following myself.)
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