I am so terrified to write this message, but I am hoping that there is someone who might be able to offer some sound advice.
My husband and I (37 and 38 yrs old) are currently on the waiting list to adopt. When we met, we were both uncertain as to whether we wanted children at all. We always knew, however, that we didn't want our own and would only every adopt.
About a year or so ago we decided that we would like to adopt. We did our research and got in contact with a local agency and social worker. Then we left it for a while deciding to let it all sink in.
We started the process in the beginning of 2020 and within a few months were put on the waiting list. We were both filled with overwhelming anxiety the week we were announced 'paper pregnant' with a "Is this really happening?" feeling.
Since then the anxiety has calmed down somewhat but we don't find ourselves desperate for the call. It's as if we are terrified of actually receiving the call. This has led us to question ourselves and so the anxiety grows. My husband is worried about the fact that he doesn't feel overwhelming excitement or a real pull toward being a dad. I have similar feelings about myself. Deep down, we both know this is something we want to do, but we are so scared that we have created a picture in our minds that will more than likely not match the reality.
Is there anyone else who experienced something similar while awaiting the call? Did any body else have major doubts about whether they were in fact ready or if becoming parents is something they really wanted to do? I hate that I am not certain in this decision. I am usually certain about everything. This is just so big!
Please be gentle :)
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Hi Juliet,
I don't have much advice, but wanted to reach out and say that you aren't alone and hang in there!
We're waiting for the call too and my stomach drops every time my phone vibrates. I am experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions, hourly, but very rarely excitement. For me, it is hard to feel excited when everything is such an unknown, which is (I think?) the anxiety tied to the phone calls for me. Becoming parents represents massive change to current lifestyles. I doubt whether I am ready daily and I grieve over the upcoming loss of child-free lifestyle because it is such a big change. But, there is also room to hold onto the hope of love and nurturing that I'll share with a child someday, hopefully!