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Hello! I am entirely new to this forum...website...hopeful support group. My husband and I began our adoption process in 2015 and were matched/placed in 2016. Our little guy was born addicted to Heroin and went through a 5 week withdraw process in the hospital (use of morphine and phenobarbital). Birth mother was also a smoker, hep B and hep C positive. Our little guy has done well and been in need of OT and speech services but is a very sweet, smart little boy. We were matched again in 2019 with a birth mother who we were told was a smoker and heroin user. Unfortunately, we learned AFTER placement that our little guy was also born addicted to Fentanyl (not surprising given the heroin knowledge) and amphetamines. My husband and I had said "no" to amphetamines initially. We were horrified by the research we did initially. And then, after a few days of holding my little guy, we were told of the tox screen results...which included amphetamines. The process the second time was horrible (regarding communication, adoption openness at the hospital, etc). At this point, birth mother had already signed rights (past the 72 hour mark), and we were trying to figure out what to do. My heart was breaking because this was MY little boy. He was mine. And the nurse on staff that day was offering a lot of encouragement and someone from our agency very much led us to believe her experience with amphetamines to be completely overreacted. We were told, "if you don't want him, give him back to us." But, in my heart, this was my baby. He IS my baby. I wasn't going to turn around and give him back. I had bonded, and the thought of him not being mine shattered my heart. I just wanted to know that this world of amphetamine exposure was something I could navigate to be fair to him. I only included the above because, today, I am still researching and learning about the effects of amphetamines. I am trying to learn about SPD and how to work through those things. So, let me get to the point here. Our little is approaching 2 years old. We started to see some sensory needs a few months ago. After seeking out a developmental pediatrician, we were referred to OT, PT, and speech for evaluations, all of which he qualifies for. Every specialist we talk with gives us grim hope for him. And I hate it. Being told that he will likely "struggle in classrooms and possible be self-contained" or the ever-popular "children like him" speech is so frustrating. He deals with both hyposensitivity and hypersensitivity and is starting to have very lengthy, "over the top" tantrums that are almost impossible to calm. I've made homemade crash mats, use lots of positive redirection, and try to switch activities regularly because he is constantly on the move. We have to be careful with some activities because he is very clumsy and has little regard for safety or awareness of his body's space. He's still not able to do basic steps and requires leg braces to help with his feet and balance for walking. All sensory play must be edible due to oral sensory needs, and he is becoming aggressive when upset (pushing, smacking, biting). He isn't speaking yet, so I believe that a portion of his frustration is coming from that (we are working on signing). His receptive language skills are good. I believe in early intervention and am working diligently with therapists to help him. But I'm also feeling incredibly defeated as a mother. I try to be positive and encouraging, but hearing the same thing over and over is hard, and the last thing I want is to plant that seed of doubt or stereotype my child because people say he will be violent or incapable of being happy. I just want to know what the experience of other adoptive parents has been with little ones like him, especially as he approaches grade school. My husband and I are researching types of schools and environments that can offer him the best possible learning that is suited to HIS needs. Public schools make me nervous for this reason. Also, if anyone has any knowledge of financial support for medical expenses, it would be appreciated. We are in the process of applying for BCMH but unsure if NAS/drug exposure is included (they will not say as each diagnosis varies). I am a stay-at-home mother and we live on 1 income, so it's tough to integrate everything, and our private insurance isn't covering much of what the kids (especially my youngest) needs. And yes, we've reached out to our agency. No luck there. :-( Thanks in advance. -Alalu
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