I’m working through some emotions today. When we finalized the adoption of our son 8 years ago we learned his bio mom was pregnant. Several months later when his half sister was born, we were asked if we would consider placement and we said yes. She ended up being placed with family of her father.
Fast forward 8 years and we learn he has an almost 2yo brother who’s goal was just changed to adoption. That’s it. That’s all the information they gave us.
Emotionally and mentally, we cannot take on this child. In addition to my AS we have a 16yo daughter going into her junior year of HS. The years of watching us struggle with her brother’s behavioral disorders and developmental delays has had a huge impact on her own mental health. Add to that that AS who just turned 11 still requires adult supervision at all times. Giving him someone else to compete with for time and attention, plus added therapists and appointments and dealing with social workers and visits. None of it is feasible. My brain knows this.
But my heart is breaking for this child. I feel like we are being completely selfish but I know this is in the best interest of our children and family. I am so saddened to hear that another child is in the same situation that my son was in at almost exactly the same age, and almost exactly on the anniversary of the day we got the call about my son all those years ago. I fully and truly hope that a family placement is found for this child so I don’t even have to say no and it can be taken out of my hands. But I know that whatever the outcome, just like the sister that is out there, I will think of this child regularly for the rest of my life.
Has anyone else had to say no to a sibling placement? Did you tell your child about it? Obviously age and maturity are factors, I don’t think my son could handle it right now with other things we are dealing with but I know we will tell him eventually, as we did with his sister.
Thanks for “listening”, advice from people who’ve made this difficult call is appreciated.