Adopted Child wants to come home
Originally Posted By Stacy K.

The child I gave up for adoption wants to come back home to live with me and her biological father. She was adopted by her cousion. My child has been a part of our lives thru this adoption. I'v had three other kids since she has been adopted. They all get along fine and love each other so well. Where my child lives now she has no other sisters or brothers. She is alone. My daughter and I get along so well, you would think she was never given up. Now, she wants me to fight to get her home, and I want her back as well as the rest of the family. She is 13yrs old. Her adopted mother won't let me see her or my kids, because she told her she want to live with me. My child and I sneak and talk to each other and she is so unhappy. What can I do to help her?
Re: Adopted Child wants to come home
Originally Posted By Mary

I will do what ever it takes to get her back. Fight for your child if she really want you to.
get her back
Do everything you can to get her back if that's really what she wants. She may just be lonely. Just make sure that she wants to live with you for the right reasons. Her amom's reaction makes her more determined to live with you.
I had a miserable home life and If I know where to go I whoud have ran away and went to my bmom. I was a "black market"baby, so I was never legaly adopted.
rayma
did you get her back?
its been roughly 3 years since you posted. Did you get her back? im asking because my sister is in the same situation to the T, except my mom adopted her little girl who is now 15 and she wants her bmom to take her amom to court. my sister talks to an attorney tomorrow to see where she stands. maybe you and my sister should talk and compair notes. help each other out. i feel for both of you and the girls.
daughter wants 2 come home
please let me no what you find out i need help also my daughter was adopted by my ex huband parents before we got divorced now she wants to come live with me what should i do i want her to live with me if this is what she wants but everything i read said i have no chance of getting her back,she is 10 now she was 7 when they adopted her what should i do ??????we also sneak around and speak to each other on the phone and on thursdays i see her at school so we have a few minutes for a hug and kiss and to tell each other we love each other but her grandparents doesnt want this it was an open adoption till me and my ex got divorced!!!he still gets to see her because they are his parents but they wont let me anymore!!!
Archive said...
Originally Posted By Stacy K.

The child I gave up for adoption wants to come back home to live with me and her biological father. She was adopted by her cousion. My child has been a part of our lives thru this adoption. I'v had three other kids since she has been adopted. They all get along fine and love each other so well. Where my child lives now she has no other sisters or brothers. She is alone. My daughter and I get along so well, you would think she was never given up. Now, she wants me to fight to get her home, and I want her back as well as the rest of the family. She is 13yrs old. Her adopted mother won't let me see her or my kids, because she told her she want to live with me. My child and I sneak and talk to each other and she is so unhappy. What can I do to help her?
just4tabitha said...
please let me no what you find out i need help also my daughter was adopted by my ex huband parents before we got divorced now she wants to come live with me what should i do i want her to live with me if this is what she wants but everything i read said i have no chance of getting her back,she is 10 now she was 7 when they adopted her what should i do ??????we also sneak around and speak to each other on the phone and on thursdays i see her at school so we have a few minutes for a hug and kiss and to tell each other we love each other but her grandparents doesnt want this it was an open adoption till me and my ex got divorced!!!he still gets to see her because they are his parents but they wont let me anymore!!!


Reading between the lines of your post, it seems like you and your ex were judged to be unfit to raise your little girl so his parents came to her rescue. They became her parents by adoption. As her parents, they have decided that it is best for her not to have contact with you -- until they change their minds about you or until she is an adult and can make such a decision for herself.

But you want what you want, right? So you're sneaking around having secret phone calls and private meetings with their daughter. You're telling her that she belongs with you and you are going to get her back. You're asking her to sneak around and to lie to her parents about it. I wonder, are you also telling her all about how they "stole" her from you?

It's clear to me that you are still unfit to be a parent if you don't understand how wrong this is. At this point, I wouldn't even suggest that you go to her parents and ask them to reconsider their decision to close this adoption -- because, personally, I think you've demonstrated that they had good reasons to do it.
DCMomLady said...
Reading between the lines of your post, it seems like you and your ex were judged to be unfit to raise your little girl so his parents came to her rescue. They became her parents by adoption. As her parents, they have decided that it is best for her not to have contact with you -- until they change their minds about you or until she is an adult and can make such a decision for herself.

But you want what you want, right? So you're sneaking around having secret phone calls and private meetings with their daughter. You're telling her that she belongs with you and you are going to get her back. You're asking her to sneak around and to lie to her parents about it. I wonder, are you also telling her all about how they "stole" her from you?

It's clear to me that you are still unfit to be a parent if you don't understand how wrong this is. At this point, I wouldn't even suggest that you go to her parents and ask them to reconsider their decision to close this adoption -- because, personally, I think you've demonstrated that they had good reasons to do it.

see you judge someone when you dont even no the situation my daughter wasnt taken from me for being unfit lets get that straight,me and my husband now ex,my husband was being sent to iraq i was going to be left alone with 4 children no help at all i dont have a family,so my husband asked me would i be willing to let his parents adopt our daughter(open adoption)so we talked about it for awhile and decided we would as long as we could see her and spend time with her when we wanted.i got to see her everyday and she even stayed with me most of the time until my husband got back from iraq and a year later we were divorced,i still got to see her up until a year ago when i got remarried and so did he,he still gets to see her but they wont let me see her because we arent dating or together anymore,keep in mind we have 3 other children together that i have full custody of he has visitaion but he has never showed up for visitation ,but he still keeps our daughter all the time,so please get the facts straight before you want to put someone down,i do get to see my daughter on thursdays at school for about 1 minute,and also the only reason i posted this and she wants to come home because her grandparents are abusing her she said she has told her father but he said that he isnt going to get involved because they are his parents and he doesnt want to hurt them!!!
I just want to say that I wish you luck in your fight to get your daughter back, if it is truly as your daughter has told you and that she is being abused. Since her father isn't taking the opportunity to visit his other children, and isn't offering to help remove his daughter from an abusive situation, you sound as if she is the only parent she can depend on. I am only an outsider and have only what you tell me to base my judgement on, but if this is true then I wish you luck and God speed to bring her to a safe environment. Being a bmom myself, I was not in your situation, but heaven knows I would have loved the opportunity to raise my DD. She did have and still does have a wonderful family, her mom is very supportive of her, and she is so very smart, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. PM me if you ever want to talk Smile.
If you suspect your daughter is being abused and she has reported abuse to you, please call the police or social services immediately!!

I'm sorry for your pain in the situation, but first and foremost at concern right now is her safety.
Sorry, just4Tabitha, but your story still rings false to me. Why would you voluntarily terminate your parental rights to one of your four children and surrender that child for adoption, when all you needed was a little extra child care assistance for the year your husband was going to be away? Why did you let his parents adopt your child legally and permanently, separating her (emotionally if not physically) from you and all of her syblings? I can't even imagine a judge granting an adoption under the circumstance that you described.

And I still disapprove of you having secret meetings and phone calls with your "daughter". Rather than teach my daughter deception and duplicity, I would show her that facing one's problems honestly and openly will lead to the best results. If you have contacted an attorney to discuss your case, I'm sure s/he has told you to stop breaking the parents' rules because you're just handing them a weapon they can club you with in court. Wait, and let a judge order the visitation that you want.

Finally, I agree with the poster who urges that your child's report of abuse must be reported and investigated immediately -- not talked about in secret or online. If you want to be the mother, you have to start doing the right things.

DeeCee :hippie:
Being a supervising social worker myself i can tell you that no judge is going to return a child to a birth parent after a legal adoption. I also have personal experiance My cousin was 15 when my aunt put her daughter up for adoption and slthough my cousin was a minor at the time my cousin daughter is now 17. her mother has been fighting for her since she was 6yrs old and when my cousin daughter turned 15 she found out and wanted to go live with her mom and the adoptive parents agreed and the judge still would not agree to give custody back to the birth mom. what he said was that when the child turned 18 she could choose where she wanted to live. and that if the adoptive parents agreed to allow her to live with my cousin before that time that was their choice but there would be no legal standing for it and that my cousin would not be able to bring the aparents to court for child support or anything. also that the adoptive parents would still be legally responsible for making any decisions pertaiing to the child
DCMomLady said...
Sorry, just4Tabitha, but your story still rings false to me. Why would you voluntarily terminate your parental rights to one of your four children and surrender that child for adoption, when all you needed was a little extra child care assistance for the year your husband was going to be away? Why did you let his parents adopt your child legally and permanently, separating her (emotionally if not physically) from you and all of her syblings? I can't even imagine a judge granting an adoption under the circumstance that you described.

And I still disapprove of you having secret meetings and phone calls with your "daughter". Rather than teach my daughter deception and duplicity, I would show her that facing one's problems honestly and openly will lead to the best results. If you have contacted an attorney to discuss your case, I'm sure s/he has told you to stop breaking the parents' rules because you're just handing them a weapon they can club you with in court. Wait, and let a judge order the visitation that you want.

Finally, I agree with the poster who urges that your child's report of abuse must be reported and investigated immediately -- not talked about in secret or online. If you want to be the mother, you have to start doing the right things.

DeeCee :hippie:

Well it is like this i have 3 boys and 1 little girl,i had no family to help and my husbands parents would keep her but not the boys,i was stupid and let my husband talk me into this only because we all agreed it would be an open adoption and they said when my husband got back from iraq if she wanted to come home they would let her!!after he got back we had her everyday and night except for weekends when they wanted her till about 2months later when we got a divorce and thats when things changed i got custody of my boys and my ex husband told them to hold off on giving her back because he knew i would get her to in the divorce!!that is when they stoped letting me see her they would let my ex husband keep her all the time and as long as me and him were on speaking terms i could see her,but giving her back wasnt an option for them!!and when i got remarried they stoped visitation compleatly,but now my ex husband is remarried and he gets her every weekend and i dont get to see her at all!!!!
I hate to say it, but my guess is that you have no legal recourse. You relinquished her for adoption. That means her new parents have every legal right to decide who she can and can't see.

If you think she is being abused, you MUST report it to the police or to DSS. Please, don't let your personal feelings get in the way of protecting her. You HAVE GOT TO report this.

If you keep seeing her behind her parents'/grandparents' back, DSS may just discount your report of abuse as sour grapes. Please, stop sneaking around and encourage your daughter to be honest with her aparents. Report your suspicions and let a neutral party do an investigation and determine what the right thing to do is.
Why did you choose adoption and not temporary custody
It seems to me if your reason for sending your daughter to her grandparents are legit you should have went with Temporary gaurdianship or custody, which would have allowed you to return to court when your husband returned. if you had a lawyer during these proceedings im sure he or she and the judge explained to you that ADOPTION is final.As for sneaking around and seeing your daughter it is WRONG, and its also teaching her to be deceitful to her Parents, if you believe there is truth to her allegations as a concerned individual why havent you called the authorities and allowed them to check into the allegations? its obvious you do not believe that your child is being harmed or that would have been your first step to try and get her some help.
since my last post i called dhs and they have investigated and found it to be true,as far as the temporary custody goes i didnt no anything about this i didnt have a lawyer at the time,the gransparents didnt tell me when the court date was either and i was never notified by the court of a court date!!!all i new was 2 days after the papers were signed they had already went to court and everything was finalizedi guess you could say being 19 listening to my husband i did a stupid thing but now i want to fix the mess i made of her life !!!i regret this everyday,but in the matter of me calling her it didnt happen that way she was at her bilogical fathers (the grandparents sons)house and found my number and called me i told her at the time that i thought she needed to talk to her grandparents and see what they would say about her contacting me and she begged me not to say anything to them or her(father)now brother by adoption!!!but regardless of what anyone says i cant turn my back on her no matter what if she needs me i will be there!!!i have hired a laywer,and we are in the process of getting this settled since they were found guilty of child abuse!!!
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