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Abeni is 9 years old, and was sexually abused at age 5. Then she taught sexual behavious to other children in the home before she was removed from the home. She does not like to talk about the incident. Now, whenever she moves to a new home, she'll masturbate...most likely to comfort herself. If she's esspecially uneasy, she'll masturbate to the point that her vagina will be sore. Her current foster mom tells her that its bad to do that, but they'll work on it together. Shortly after being told that she started hiding her panties (they had a discharge on it). Now, i don't agree that masturbation is bad. However, it is unusual in a 9 year old. BUt its not unusual in a 9 year old who has been sexually abused in foster care. She doesn't exactly know what she is doing. She barely knows the "Birds and the Bees", and still thinks kissing is nasty. I don't think that I, as the adoptive mom will try to discourage it. She doesn't do it in public. I'd like to encourage her to talk about it, but given that she gets proper medical care...is there any reason that i should try and stop her? considering that, in her teens, i'd turn around and tell her that masturbation is okay?
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I wouldn't tell her not to do it, but it may be necessary to give her guidelines as to where it's appropriate(bedroom, bathroom) and be sure she understands it's private and she can discuss it with you, but not at school. And also, that it's personal and should not be done with other people. I've always found being honest and open about these types of things makes it easier for my kids to ask me questions they might feel uncomfortable about if I was less open. Hope this helps.
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My daughter is 9, and also has/had this behavior. She knows to be private, and does not involve anyone else, but has caused redness and a sore. I pretty much said what Lucy said to her. I did however tell her additionally that she could try to not hurt herself by being gentle or stopping if her "rash" appears.
We recently adopted a 5 year old girl who does the same thing. She was sexually abused by her brother a year ago and has since comforted herself by masterbating. I have found that when she forgets that we are around and she is watching a movie she tends to touch herself a lot. What we have done has told her that she is welcome to touch herself anytime she deems it necessary, however; this must be done in the privacy of her own bedroom since we dont want to watch this. She becomes red when she is "caught" so we have a " hands above the covers" policy when shes snuggling on the couch. Apperently in her foster home she would rub any bath object on her vagina, or tweek her nipples in full view which disgusted her Foster Parents, but we are not as easily upset by this since she is obviously doing it for a reason. But again, there is a time and place for this type of thing and that is what we encourage. Under "no circumstances" is this to be done in the open, but we tell her " feel free to do in in the privacy of your own room" and this has actually stopped, at least to my knowledge..lol. So i think this my work for you as well. Good Luck Kall :)
The real problems with this behavior are two: 1. It is a self-soothing activity being done by a child who has been abused and whose life experience has taught her not to trust others; only herself. Therefore, you'd really want to be the one to supply saftey and comfort for her. So, on this score, it is better to discourage the behavior by limiting it to non-public places and by you providing safety and seccurity for her. 2. It is a repitition of the sexual abuse...sort of identification with the aggressor. Another reason to discourage it and to find healthier ways to address the trauma. regards,
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