Lies in adoption records

Hi Desi. I also hate all the lies. My a-mom has said the nuttiest stuff about my adoption. But she is like that about everything. I am actually shocked at how much was actually true so far! What I thought was interesting about your story, there were lies, but they originated with your b-mother. I understand the why of it. Had you not explained that part, I would guess that the overwhelming replies would have been about how your a-mom lied because of her insecurity and the like. I am sure that happens, but I don't like how everyone always seems to jump to the conclusion that the a-parents are somehow to blame. If we think about adoption without emotion, (yea, right!) it is easy to see that there will probably always be lies. Because people lie about sex. And sex that causes unplanned pregnancy is sure to be lied about. Because there is too much shame attached. Shame is another big reason lies are told. These are the sad lies. (to me) There are evil lies that are designed to acquire something that somebody wants. Does that make sense? I believe that my a-parents felt a need to "fill in the blanks" in a way that totally sugar coated the circumstances of my adoption. So there was no infidelity, no pre-marital sex, (gasp), no difference in religion. It amounted to a total bunch of BS, but in a way, it was a very kind thing they did. To their way of thinking. I would NEVER do it that way, but I know my parents enough to understand their motives. After that, I doubt that they ever even considered what would be best for me. They have spent the past 45 years covering the lies. I think we all know how that works. It sucks, but it isn't or wasn't evil. Stupid, yup. Damaging? yup. I look at it like spanking. Hopefully we have learned better ways of parenting! But once upon a time it was an accepted and prefered way to parent! I hope our new understanding of the adoption issues are enough to keep the lies at bay in future. Have a Happy New Year! Love, Debi