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As some of the other posters have suggested, it is most important that your daughter be able to trust you, her mother, to be truthful with her, and you will know when and how to handle that as she grows up. Secondly, I believe that it is very important to separate the act from the individual and I would suggest that you not label her birthmom as a prostitute but as one who engaged in prostitution at a difficult point in her life. Good luck as you travel the parenting pathways--your children teach you what you most need to learn, a wise old soul once told me.
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As some of the other posters have suggested, it is most important that your daughter be able to trust you, her mother, to be truthful with her, and you will know when and how to handle that as she grows up. Secondly, I believe that it is very important to separate the act from the individual and I would suggest that you not label her birthmom as a prostitute but as one who engaged in prostitution at a difficult point in her life. Good luck as you travel the parenting pathways--your children teach you what you most need to learn, a wise old soul once told me.
If I had a child i would give them the freedom to choose their own path .As long as you have a ‘goal’ for what you will do when your escorting or dancing job is over. Honestly I don’t see the shame in it, If you want to use your body for profit then go for it. I don’t see it as any different than a laborer breaking his back for his money or a landscaper working in the sun all day. Sex work is still work.
I do however, worry if my Daughter would ever work in the USA where a cop can legally rape her in order to get a prostitution charge on her. I would worry my daughter would not have health care to access contraceptives or to access std screening if she was not lucky enough to have her parents health insurance. I worry about things like if my child was depressed or had mental health issues but could not get access because their country does not see mental health as a necessity but a luxury.
If anything, I would want my daughter to use the cards she was dealt to live a life she enjoyed. If that meant exchanging companionship and sex for money, then fine. If she wanted to dance and flirt for money, fine. But she would never feel the need to hide it, to be ashamed or be alone. We all need a loving and supporting family and when nobody is being hurt, I’m not going to chastise her for making money off of her beauty. There have been concubines, mistresses and prostitution for centuries. It is not wrong, it is not bad or dirty. It is simply a profession that varies in class, wages and value. There were whores who lived in as mistresses for kings, there are women from New York on the street who need a job that has quick turn around. And there are women in between. Let people live their lives according to their own rules, not yours.
Last update on May 4, 1:04 pm by Miriam Gwilliam.
A lot of birth mothers have hard stories and as adoptive parents we are there to support them. They are giving us a great gift and taking on a lot. Must be open to a lot and sometimes the things are hard to take on. Just stay strong and communication always helps.
Last update on May 4, 1:04 pm by Miriam Gwilliam.
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I know this is a very late reply. But I really do hope that eventually you will tell your child that part of het bm. As a 20 year old adoptee, who found out that my mum was a criminal and prostitute and therefore will never be accepted by my birth country, by reading the reason of adoption. I read that today. My parents did not tell me. Nor do I feel that they are planning to. Although it may be hard and difficult to discuss, please do because if she founds out before you tell her, it is more difficult for her to trust you again.
Discuss it when you feel she is ready. And saying to your daughter that" her bm has a rough time and is currently trying to find her way. And she did not want her child to have a rough time, but wanted to give her child what she deserved and therefore decided to give her to a loving family." will probably be enough for a pretty long time. And indeed as others in the thread said, that listening to your instincts will help you know when she is ready.
Be careful how you choose your words, be truthfull and honest. Goodluck and lots of love.