Questions to Ask a Birthmom

I have several adopted siblings, so I have some insight into the questions they ask as they get older. If I ever have the chance to ask a bmom on behalf of a child i hope to adopt, I'd ask at least these questions: *What do you like to do? *What do you like to eat? Are there foods you don't like? *What are your hobbies? Talents? Skills? *Are there family traditions you would like this child to know about? *What did you like or not like about school? *Why did you choose this family to raise this child? *Do you have some funny stories about your childhood that you'd like your child to hear? *What message of love do you have for this child? I guess the biggest thing I saw in my siblings is a yearning to know why they were adopted. The second biggest thing was a yearning to know that they were linked genetically to real and good people. If possible, I'd try to get the same info on the bfather.

i am a possible birthmother. i dont know what kind of adoption you are having. but if its going to be an open adoption you could talk about when the first visit will be and such.

Something we did was present both of our son's birthparents with a jar filled with dozens of slips of paper, each of which had a question written on it. We asked them to pull out a slip whenever they wanted to answer a question in a letter. We want our son to know what kind of people they are. We don't want him to grow up feeling that lack of identity that so many adoptees have who were placed in completely closed adoptions with no information. The questions were similar to what someone posted above from traditions to favorites to most embarrassing moments. Have you ever heard of "Journal Jars?" It was the same concept. We liked the jar idea because they can answer the questions at their own pace without being overwhelmed.

Here is something that I did for my birth daughter. I went through all my pictures of me growning up and made copies. So that my birth daughter will know what I looked like growing up and not just at the time of the adoption. Also I got pictures of all my siblings and their families.

Some thoughts and questions that drifted in my head about my BF. I think it would be cool if and when your child comes upon struggles or turning points in his or her life to pose the event as a question to there BP. For instance: Something scared him/her to tears. You write a question to the BM - What has scared you and how did you get through it.

Ask her questions about her extended family, and ESPECIALLY about the biological father and HIS extended family. Chances are, birthmom will still be around and happy to answer any and all questions when your child is ready to ask them. But there's always a possibility that the birthfather will disappear at some point between now and the time your child is grown up. It seems that many adoptees on this board who are searching and/ or in reunion with their biological families are having a difficult time finding their birthfathers, or even finding any information about them. Ask the birthmother any questions you think your child might later have about his or her b-dad. Her memory for details about him is still fresh at this point... ten or twenty years from now, she may not remember a thing about him... what he's like, what he's good at, what sort of childhood he had, what he looks like, who his family is. Ask her now. Your child will appreciate the information someday. ~Sharon