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Gonnabeadaddy-
As a birthmom let me say thank you for seeking advice on how to treat this situation. It shows that you are really interested in the bmom and her comfort level. That is so great! Everyone here has had really helpful suggestions.
I wanted my daughter's aparents to want to know me and show interest, because that made me feel like they didn't just think of me as the baby provider. You and your wife seem to be doing that very well!
I personally also believe that you should share some of the excitement and planning that you are doing for the baby. It always reaffirmed my decision to see and hear the grins on their faces when they referred to "the new arrival". It reassured me that they really wanted her and they would love her so much! They didn't make me feel sad or pressured by sharing that but instead showed me that they were ready and willing to love her. The way they combined their joy over my daughter with their respect for and desire to know me I think that is what made me the most comfortable. It was like they struck a balance, they didn't make me feel like a temporary fixture and they showed me how much love they had to give at the same time! I know all situations are different, but that's mine.
I wish you and your wife the best, and I hope that you receive continual strength and encouragement throughout this process!
Jesi