"Adoption Sucks!"..................................

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See...once again you are directing your anger at me for the life I have had to live. This is your own guilt speaking, not mine. You made your choices, and HOW DARE YOU for saying that only if a woman "aborts" would she be a quitter. If you had read my post "quitters never win"....you would see where I derive this frame of thinking, and why. If this statement I made does not apply to you, then why do you acknowledge it as such?. It's alright though, the way you want to punish me for telling my true feelings and asking questions as to how I can better understand them. I do not judge you for your feelings, please do not judge me for mine. I didn't ask to have them in my life, my bmom decided that for me, and I can't change that. All I wanted to do was better understand why this (adoption) happens in the first place. So, if you have hurt and pain over the loss of your son, those are YOUR issues, and you should deal with them yourself as well. Don't woory though, my soul has had enough of these brutal attacks from bmoms lashing out at me for being wounded so deeply by my bmom. If I had not "changed" my circumstance, I would not be alive today......I have been down so much I wanted to die in the past....all because I wanted my "REAL MOMMY". I no longer feel that way. I know she loved me...and I don't care how you try to "butter this issue up", if it didn't hurt achildren AND bmoms, you wouldn't be so angry about my feelings. So fine, lash out at me, hurt me more, tell me I'm wrong for saying it, for feeling it, I know that I am not at fault here. I am the adoptee, some of the adoptees out here are in the same kind of pain too...wondering where to go, who to talk to, how to deal with the loss they feel. I won't say it anymore...it won't do any good to voice the truth here because no one seems to want to face it. The problem is, what if what I describe has happened to your child?...Will you tell them the same things too?....Would you place the blame on their shoulders for having become a "victim"?..... I didn't ask for this life.....or the abuse, or the circumstance, I only wanted to share MY experience, and YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CONDEMN ME FOR DOING SO! :mad:

Bluuizz replied to a very hurtful comment that you insist is "truth" Yet hers is now a condemnation? You knew you were going to hurt people because I told you as much. You didn't care. Yet now you are offended? This isn't healing, it's BS Debi

I have tried and tried to explain that the things I speak of are the true details of MY LIFE STORY.....debi and others keep trying to change that fact into some kind of "PERSONAL" attack on others.....which it is NOT!!!!!!!!!!! If I am going to be judged for "Admitting" my feelings, then everyone else should be judged accordingly.....that is an "EQUAL STANDARD", NOT double. I am not trying to judge ANYONE for their own personal circumstance, or choices.......I am trying to "understand" the choice itself, adoption, why does it happen at all......and if you read carefully, EVERY post I have placed, then you would see for yourself that I do not want to hurt anyone.....I want answers, that maybe I can not find here, that is all I want. So PLEASE, before you utter another Personal Attack against me, please look at what my ENTIRE message has been......I don't understand adoption, why it ever started, how it happens, what it means, what to do with the feelings it has given to ME...... Once again, I APOLOGIZE if this has been unclear or misunderstood...PLEASE FORGIVE ME if I have said ANYTHING that caused bad feelings..................I am more wounded not that I have been "personally attacked" for stating my life story as it were, than I was before. I will not say it again, for fear someone else might be hurt.....that is what I have been trying to say for the last ten posts!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ANY IMPROPERLY STATED FEELINGS.......I HAVE BEEN BLUNT...I MEAN NO HARM.....PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY. I always knew that most people don't like to hear the truth, but I didn't realize that I would be blamed for having such a terrible experience. I never stated that birth mothers should be condemned, or judged, or anything like that....I said, "I was taught never to give up no matter what......and I want to understand why anyone does". :(

"I always knew that most people don't like to hear the truth," Your words, now apply them. Debi

To all those claiming "hurt" and that my experiences should be told in "private" to spare others', Take Your Own Advice!" I don't see ANY of you attempting to keep your own "personal" feelings about the matter in PRIVATE, so therefore, who is using the "double standards here?" YOU ARE............. The truth does not offend me.....and the truth is, that I have been made a "victim" of many circumstance due to my adoption. None of you "commenting" lately seem to be able to address that issue at all...you're too busy passing judgement. I asked SEVERAL questions with my posts....If you can give me answers, please do so, if you can't then keep your condemnation "private" as you say. Let those without sin cast the first stone.................... I can speak about the issue I raised because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME! If you don't like that fact, or can't handle the truth, or don't know how to respond to this issue without using MISPLACED ANGER then it is your own personal problem. The difference between yourselves and I, is that I am not ANGRY at all......I WANT TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can not help me do that, then why do you insist on making this something it is NOT!!!! :confused:

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I see you are still reflecting my "original" post, and perhaps did not notice I have since changed it to better state my issue here......I'm sorry you were offended......I did not intend to direct my statement to ANY OTHER MOTHER THAN MY OWN. I think you have outstanding strength and courage for "holding on" so long. There is no amount of "counseling" that will help me "not" to miss and love my birth mother. Just as you are in pain, and express it in "your" terms, so have I.....in my own, and it was a "direct statement" to MY OWN mother, not you. I'm sorry you took it personally. I don't keep my feelings bottled up inside anymore...no matter what they are....."counseling" taught me that. It really doesn't matter how "we" as the "injured, hurting and in pain" get it out of our system, as long as we do not "intentionally" aim it towards others......I told you "My mother was a quitter".....Did you know her?....Her circumstance?.....NO! You are speaking of your own. It's alright though...I was the victim in "my" adoptions "twice"...and as an abused person...unless YOU have been abused the way I have, you have no expertise to offer me here. But I appreciate what you have said, and for any others feeling the same way, RE-READ my post "before" you continue to state what has ALREADY changed. God Bless You! :)

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there is tremendous loss involved with adoption. That is why they hurt so much, we are denied the beginnings of our heritage and society seems to have this " how lucky you should feel and greatful you should be" attitude twords adoptees, when yes, it DOES HURT. I feel your pain. The govt. denies us our original birth certificates, people are allowed to change our names and all of this done without our consent. I'm sorry you're feeling the same pain I too have felt for so long. Talking about it makes it better, and so does reading books, sites and going to physical support groups. I have felt rejected, abandoned and forgotten too. Even in reunion, there is still pain. hang in there * you're not alone*

Hi nancy! i'm confused at what you're posting to me. I'm not an angry person if you were directing this to me, I was merely just pointing out truths in adoption that validate some of the loss some adoptees feel. I have felt great loss from being adopted, but have healed greatly and live a good life now. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't recognize those loss's now, or not talk about them. It is okay to talk about them and validate their truth. But in doing so does not mean I cannot be a person who lives a life of peace, and happiness. I'm unclear on what you mean about offering support vs. dictating feelings.... please explain further before I comment. I know what I want from my life and have acheieved almost every goal I've set forth for myself. please don't mistake my validation of loss from adoption as anger, they can be very close, yet very seperate at the same time. Sometimes it is supportive to know you are not alone, and thats the message I was giving to the original poster.....telling him he's not alone, I have felt loss too. K~

I also don't know what you mean by I can bash? I wasn't bashing anyone.. :confused: anybody I like? does what help? yes I'm in reunion with my entire family, i'm confused too, who's deb? i'm glad you're in tune with things you usually read, but I think this time you've missed my entire point no hard feelings...best to you! aloha ~

I'm sorry you aren't being more supported for expressing your feelings. We all have a right to what we feel. Sometimes when people seem so judgmental it's because they are projecting their own feelings and issues onto what you're saying. Other members of the triad may feel differently based on where they are coming from. They may choose to read your post and take it personally. That's about their own issues or insecurities rather than your own. Don't think that just because there are a vocal few who have been outspoken in their lack of support for you, doesn't mean there aren't many others who are here for you. They just might not feel comfortable posting and risking being attacked.

I hope that how you feel right now is just part of the process and leads you to a more peaceful for you not for anyone else. The only person you owe that to is yourself so that you don't have to continue to feel bad about something that wasn't your decision or responsibilities.

While I disagree with your phrase that "adoption sucks", I do appreciate the distinction of your situation compared to mine, or a lot of other adoptees, bmoms, amoms etc. So I understand by your postings that you mean "adoption sucked for ME" and are not saying that "adoption overall ALWAYS sucks." At least that's what I hope is your general thought process. I do hope that you'll be able to find a place in your life where you can let go of this pain and move on to a happier life. While we can't control the past, we can control how we move on and find happiness. We all have things that have hurt us and need to take responsibility for our present and future in order to live our lives. I think you are trying to do this, and I hope you continue voicing your feelings. Your situation is unique and personal to you. By all means, I believe you have your place here to voice your feelings and questions and should not be judged for that. It's important for all of us to note that you are speaking from a very painful experience and have every right to do so. In your case, I agree that your bmom was a quitter and did not put your best interests at heart, but rather her own and her husbands. That was a bad choice on her part and unfortunately, as much as others might disagree, there are bparents who make the wrong choices and their children do suffer because of that. To all the bmoms reading this thread....as hard as it might be, please don't take her situation personally. I think she clearly made the distinction between "MY bmom" etc. and all bmoms in general. And while there are a few blanket statements etc., sometimes that happens when we speak from the heart and are in pain. I feel a lot of times we tend to show less support to the other sides of the triad who are in a place in their life where they can't quite move on from their pain and yet when a bmom is in a similar situation, there is no end to the support offered to them. And as it should be! Just saying that every situation is different and while we might not agree with everything that's said, sometimes we need to remember that we all need support and the opportunity to voice our feelings. Crick

With knowledge comes regret.. As the mother of a child given up to adoption that is all I can say to console you. Your pain is shared day in and out. The bond is dead to your birthmother and born to someone else who is not the human animal who gave birth to you. In this country many young girls are not given options kiddo. That is the truth. I can only tell you that I screamed like a mother bear in mortal grief for months in an empty room to a God who simply does not listen to "mother" nature. I screamed so loud I thought just the force of my screams would take it all back and make everything that seemed hopeless.. reverse itself. Had I known as a young person that things were only temporary I could have done better.. but my child's survival was the only thing on my mind and it was more powerful than anything in the world to me before that. But this is America isn't it and you'd hope to think that your mother did have options.. but I can honestly tell you with all my heart that she didn't and I don't even know you. Trust me.. somewhere out there is a mother(human) bear with your name in her heart and she still sits in an empty room and she cries for you loudly ALL THE TIME! She screams and she cries and she will never get over her grief. You are missed and loved and thought about with every breath. There is a mother .. your mother who has all her hopes for you and doesn't give up hope for you. Anyone who does not tire of listening to her.. she tells about you. Even though the god she prays to never listens to her she prays to it every night for you because there's a chance that's the only way she'll see you again. Adoption does suck. In America it shouldn't even be.