Originally posted by A_mothers_love I am sorry that you feel adoption s***s, some do. I hear your pain in your posts, its good to be angry its the first sign that you are healing from the loss. Its would be a good thing for you to talk to other birthmothers, understanding that some of us did not have a choice. It was not on my to do list to loose my child to adoption, I never even signed any papers, you must also think of these things. It is not a cowardly thing to do, it a life long decision that leaves the mother in pain for the rest of her life. I understand how you could be angry at your birthmother, anger is a good thing. I can see how you could view your adoption as being cowardly on your mothers part, your mother may have been the inoccent in peer pressure, or that of clergy or parents. if she was an addict then therein lies another problem, people in addiction really do not see anything outside themselves, it is a hard fact to see, I hope to see her at a time when you are less angry we are all here to help you grow and come to understanding. Hugs Melissa My voice here is not of anger everyone......I speak with honesty (abruptly I know) but truth. I in fact do "LOVE" my mother for keeping me nearly two years. My birth mother was not an addict. She gave me up to keep her husband, and it is for those kinds of reasons only I address this issue on birth mothers. I have stated before, I am not intending to apply this feeling in every circumstance to adoption, only those that apply to "giving up" before "trying" to see parenthood through [and those that continue to have children thereafter...keeping those children to raise]. If I met my bmom right this minute I would embrace her in an instant! I miss her tremendously, which is exactly my point. I am left here without her...without knowing her...and yes, that hurts very much, and nothing I do will end that hurt of missing her, not even reuniting with her in the future, because this damage is already done. I'm not claiming bith mothers to be monsters....not at all.....I'm trying to say, that a birth mom MUST contemplate this kind of damage to their child, PRIOR to giving them up. I believe they have pain too, which is also my point. If adoption is so "beautiful", then why do most bmoms AND achildren end up in so much pain?....It is everywhere in these forums.....the pain is abundant, and it is on BOTH venues. My wish, my prayer, is that more bmoms will not choose this kind of adoption [the total disregard]...and I am actively participating in changing the laws of adoption, so that bmoms and achildren can have the legal option to know each other "openly"..........that would be a blessing for many!