Originally posted by patrisha You were conceived during the Viet Nam war when the draft was at it's peak. Many young girls married too fast, watched their husbands go off to war, and ended up having affairs out of loneliness while they were gone. You can moralize all you want, but you didn't live that era. Some of these husbands knew the children their wives had while they were gone were not biologically theirs and accepted them anyway. Many did not (even when race was not an issue) and the marriage ended or the child was placed for adoption. There were also fathers that accepted the child up until "their" children were born, then changed their attitude for the worse. The wonderful thing about this board is that many generations of triad members provide input. Those my age try to pass some insight into events and conditions of our generation. I do suggest you keep an open mind and really read some of these posts. You may better understand your bmoms decision. Occasional venting is healthy, but your efforts to turn your anger into productive activism will make you feel much better in the long run. Best Wishes Trish It is me again.....I wanted you all to know, that this is exactly the information I am searching for (the truth as I call it). Sometimes, when you don't voice "exactly" how you feel, you will not get an exact response to those feelings. I see a lot better now, from more than my own point of view, which is why I posted in the first place! See...I believe my mother loved me...she kept me for almost two years. What I still have a hard time understanding, is why she chose her husband over her child. As I have stated before, I am not trying to hurt anyone, esp. not birth mothers going through their own pain and turmoil....I am trying to "relate" in some way, to better understand the "reasons" for such a choice, I guess because I could never see myself making this kind of choice.
Please keep writing...it is helping me a lot. This statement I made was not from anger but confusion....and I am actively trying to sort through my confusions about the issue.
So what I am learning right now is, that birth mom's make this choice because they believe they can not be the "best" mom for their child at that time? Right?. And I somewhat agree that if a person truly feels that they "can not" do something, maybe the best choice is to "let go". I do have other questions though, like, If a bmom makes this choice for that reason, how can she ever be sure it is the "right" choice when it is a 50/50 chance to take? She has no way of "knowing" the person or person(s) receiving her child will take good care of them.....because no "abuser" or whatever is going to openly admit what they are.......so, how is the "selection" determined?.....My bmom did not select a family for me, she just relinquished her parental rights (including those of my bdad and his family [without his knowledge or permission] and handed me over to the state....so that is what I am addressing when I talk about "disregarding bmoms" that give up their children this way.
Also, my children are currently involved with these messages, these are also some of their feelings and questions. They want to know too. I am healing everyday from my hurt of missing a woman I don't even know. So are they missing the mom they do know. We, together, are just trying to make sense of it all, from people who actually "know" the why's...the reasons....the answers....that's all this is about.
I don't want to cause anyone pain here....I just thought this was the place to ask the "hard" questions we have inside. You all seem to be able to answer honestly. Thank you for writing, we are patiently waiting for more responses.