any adoptees please respond

i love n hate her. i woud escae from hpme to see her, but i hate hate in my heart n toghther with love

I am a 39 year old adoptee who has just started her search for her birth family. I understand that people who have great situations and everything is perfect do not give children up for adoption. That means to me that my birth mom was in a pretty terrible situation and was probably unable to do what was needed for me. She had no choice. She was not supported or cared for and was unable, did not have the means by which to care for me or was told she could not. I do not have any negative feelings about my adoption. I KNOW she did what was best for me at the time. I also know, that she may have gotten past the circumstances she was in at the time that forced her to place me for adoption and has hopefully created a good life for herself. She might even have more children. I could not hate her. I have no reason to hate her.

Charisa , I realize this is a very old thread ,, but I wanted to respond to you.. I am 53 and was adopted as a baby... You shouldn't fear your birth childs feelings towards you. As I am a bit older I have had adoption touch or border on my life in many times through the years ,, I currently have friends that are childless and want to adopt but cannot due to a history of cancer , they would be wonderful parents ,, I know many women through my wifes work that are single parents and growing up in the 1970's I knew several girls in my HS that became pregnant,, abortion was legal and many did... If you think you have a loss now I can assure you that it is far worse when compounded with the knowledge that you ended your childs life , thankfully I was never thrust firsthand into that situation... The women/girls I knew that gave birth either had their parents pretend to be the childs mother or gave them up for adoption,, they all continued their lives with little disruption. I can tell you that in my instance I know my birth mother was sent off to a home for unwed mothers... No matter what the situation was for any of these women I know that it was a difficult decision and it was made for the good of the child... it was a decision made with love. I wish you all the best and would encourage you to get into a DNA registry as that is a foolproof way to connect for you and your child even if your child has no data to enable a search in other ways.

I have read a LOT of adoptions stories from all perspectives, and I'll tell you, very few people feel negatively towards their birth mothers. Even people who were abandoned, rather than placed.

I never felt any anger or animosity. She was 18 when she got pregnant so to me it always seemed logical I was put up for adoption. I also never felt any strong need to look for her. I had a family that loved me and didn't care I was adopted.