I know that my mother gave birth in the late 60's early 70's. I am trying to find a list of homes, somewhere to start. I have heard of The Willows, The Fairmont home and the Florence Crittenton home. Does anyone know of any other homes? I know the Willows was closed in 1969. What about the other 2 I mentioned? Any information would be helpful!
Thank you,
Melanie
kcmetalcouple@netzero.net
This is for Blue Irish Eyes.
You stated that the 'birthmom knows the whole tale' in your post where you detailed all the work you've done trying to find your birthmother.
How I wish that were true. The birthmother knows only what happened up until the relinquishment. The birthmother was never given information about the adoptive families - in the 60's and 70's anyway. And certainly, the birthmother is given no names that would help her identify and find her child in the future.
Birthmothers were told to 'forget', 'go on with your life and have other babies' and most importantly 'never tell anyone that you even had a baby'. I have met so many birthmothers who really did forget - details like dates and places. And I find it very sad.
Just as you as an adoptee had a difficult time finding out any hard information that would help you locate a birthmother, birthmother's are not given any information if they contact the adoption authorities today.
I'm also an adoptee and although I've known my birth parents for years, I still can't get the state of Iowa to give me my original birth certificate. I was told to be 'happy that I knew who my parents were'. Such concern and consideration! Very frustrating.
Andromeda, Hi,
What I meant by the bmom knowing the whole tale is she knows who my bfather is and the circumstances of how she came to be pregnant as well as the details of the " constant communication with her family" regarding my placement.
I found her finally by using a well known PI. I called her last Spet and she did not deny that she had me. " Said I would prefer not to pursue this". I wanted medical info and she only mentioned that some had hypertension and there are redheads in the family. She would not tell me who the father is..said I was the result " of an assault" and it was a stressful time. Nevetheless, there was a name and description of the father although nothing else about his background as to his parents etc as was given for her.
In some of the documents at the agency and at the court, I was given some hints as to comments made in the social workers notes and one thing was that " whatever plans were made for the placement of her child, the mother wants as little inconvience as possible and wants to move on with her independence". When I called her I mentioned I lived in CA. Then when the fires broke out I sent a note just saying we were safely away from the threat and hoped she was keeping well. NOt one word more. The note came back in an addressed envelope with a stamp on it not having been read. She really wants nothing to do with me at all. She didn't even want a picture or to know anything about my life..I would think she would have been just a tiny bit interested to know how I made out..was I healthy, was I happy, was I successful, etc.Nope.
I learned my birth grandmother's full name when I sent to the SSN for a copy of her SSN application and I learned I was given her middle name. I was given a white cotton dress for the Christening and I asked bmom if she gave it to me..she said " No I did not" but I bet the grandmother did!
Now I am just doing my own searching to find out lineage...and maybe I can find out somehow the name of my bfather..but so far no luck.
I was born in ST. Vincent's Hospital and put in ST. Anthony's Home for Infants...is there any way to get the original birthrecord? The court will not provide it, only the copy of the altered one which I have.
As far as original birth records, if they exist, they should be with Jackson County Juvenile, I believe. Obviously with all the tight security around adoption records these days, I feel certain that they won't give them to you. I got my son's maternity home birth information years ago and it was not through regular channels. After all, the maternity home wanted us out of the way as quickly and quietly as possible and the juvenile division isn't happy to have to deal with any of us today.
If you used a PI, I assume you probably used the North Carolina person. If so, that is who I used as well in 1987. They live very near my home.
I see your point, Blue Eyes, regarding the birthmother knowing all the information. The information you want. Of course, on the other side, the birthmother knows nothing about the home and family where you were raised. I hate it when a birthmother - or any other searched for individual - appears to be so uninterested when found.
As for what is written in the files about the attitude of the birthmother wanting as little hassle as possible, try to take that with a grain of salt. Those agencies were determined to portray birthmothers in passive and unemotional terms. My own file was very matter of fact, devoid of any humanity in describing me. I was a young girl who played the piano. I was alot more than that but they didn't want me to come alive and seem real to adoptive parents, I suppose. In case some soft hearted couple might actually show interest in the girl behind the baby they sought.
The main purpose of background or history on birthmothers was to assure the couple that the baby would be reasonably intelligent and healthy, not that the mother wanted it. Quite the contrary. I think they painted the picture that mothers didn't want babies to ease any twinge of regret or guilt that a potential couple might have. After all, they were the paying customers, not the mother. The mother supplied the baby for free. And she paid to stay at the home until delivery. And she worked at jobs in the home -including taking care of babies in the nursery. Girls not only supplied the babies that made money for the agency, they kept the maternity home running on a shoestring with their unpaid labor.
I'm sorry you have had little success in finding information. Your birthmother or her family are your best source for information that you seek, particularly re the father. Agencies didn't want too much information on fathers, I suppose, hoping he would never pop up in person - which most did not. As for the original birth certificate NOT having the father's name on it...it was assumed if a woman was not married that she did not know who the father was. And with no name, they did not have to get his signature on a relinquishment. A rather disgusting ploy but effective for years of adoption paperwork. Of the 40 or 50 girls I knew in 62-63, I'll bet 90% or more gave the father's name freely and willingly. We talked about the fathers all the time among ourselves.
I have met birthmothers like the one you found, uninterested at best. I don't know or understand why they feel that way. Adoption affects each of us in different ways but I don't think there is any excuse for ignoring someone who has made an effort to find them in spite of a hostile and closed adoption machine.
Andromeda - thank you for your postings - they are really wonderful - I get a lot of comfort from them! I am an adoptee searching for my birth family and have not been too successful yet - I do have my non-id info that gives me some comfort - but I have heard that often parts of it are fabricated or twisted a bit. Have you found that to be true in your searching. I am a social worker, myself and have done social history's and couldn't even believe that anyone could fabricate or twist the facts. I really want to believe that the things that are written in my non-id info. are the truth.
So what is the word about this out there?
Kim
8-6-68 - KCMO
Hello Kim,
As a birthmother who has a copy of my adoption history file, I have to say mine is relatively accurate. However, it may not be everything that was in my actual file. I'll never know for I didn't access it myself. What I do know that was omitted is the one request I made for my son in 1963. I asked that he go to a Catholic family and there is no mention of that in my history. He did not go to a Catholic family and I'm certain that it was left out simply because it didn't 'fit' with the (insane) concept of 'matching' the baby to the family. Also, there is no copy of the psychiatric tests my family paid extra for me to take ($30) nor any mention of them or the results.
As I said before the information on birthmothers was definitely designed to portray a certain mindset and it wasn't that the girls loved and wanted to keep their babies. At Crit in 1962-63, we were told all the time that we 'did not want our babies'. It was drummed into us at every opportunity. We were told that we wanted to go to school, have boyfriends, have jobs, a life and that a baby would not allow us to have the life we wanted. Those were the words of the home's director, day in and day out. The nurses also said the same things. We girls didn't say it; the management of the home said it. Over and over and over.
You asked about the word out there. I imagine things have changed given that attitudes have changed in this country in the last 40 years. However, most birthmothers I have met from the 60's and 70's believe they were lied to, coerced and given no choice other than to give up their babies to adoption. It took the cooperation of adoption professionals and girl's families to do it. But families of 'girls in trouble' wanted mostly to be rid of the problem. Few gave a thought to long term damage they might be doing to their own daughters. And social workers of the day certainly didn't point out any negatives for a girl who gave up a baby for adoption. Perceived approval from the girl's family gave adoption agencies and maternity homes a blank check and complete control in determining how the 'problem pregnancy' and subsequent baby were handled.
A birthmother friend and I were talking last week about that fact that none of us girls were represented by an attorney. It never came up. The home/agency had an attorney. The adoptive parents had an attorney. But the birthmother did not. We had no one looking out for our rights and I think the potential for abuse was built right into closed adoptions. No one would ever know. And since adoption records were sealed, there was little incentive to act ethically if they chose not to. And I believe, many agencies did not. Probably a gray area type of thing, not outright illegal stuff. Sort of an 'end justifying the means' justification, I'll bet. Shortcuts. That sort of thing.
Lynn
Andromeda - thank you for your quick reply - I am sorry that "the system" treated you and other birth mother's so poorly. There is a lot of bad press out there about adoption - even now-a-days - and I can understand where it came from. I work in a school system and see young girls that don't even consider the option of adoption, but then keep their children, only to not be able to care for them properly. Or the excitement of having a little baby to take care of eventually wears off and the child becomes a bother. I used to work in a group home for teenagers and I would see so many children that had become a bother to their parents end up there because they were no longer fun to dress up and show off.
I am for adoption, but I firmly believe that all parties need to be treated respectfully and honestly. No matter what those administrators and nurses said 30 or 40 years ago, please believe that you did a very wonderful thing. You gave the gift of life to someone that was unable to have that life.
I wish that "the system" was different and was helpfull! I don't know for sure what it would take to make the necessary changes to make things more workable, but I am willing to do what I can. I want to be able to finish my story, not only for my own peace of mind - but I want to do it for my children!
Thank you for letting me blow and go!
Kim
I am in desperate need of help i have looked and looked with nothing to gain i am searching for my husbands sister she was born in april of 1971 the birth name was paulette lyle if she looks anything like her mother she would be short and skinny hehe just like her brother she also has a nephew i do know that bmom knows i am doing this search and she is ok with it however she is scared to be regected by her bdaughter please if anyone knows anything please let me know she was in florence crittenton in kansas city missouri and this state sucks when it comes to helping bmoms or adoptees please help if u can
I am very sorry that you had such a terrible experience with your birthmother. Please know that not all birthmothers are like that. I personally am counting odwn the days until my daughter contacts me and will welcome her with open arms! Keep the faith...I am sure someone in your birthfamily will want to have contact with you..if not at least you had a loving adopted family to raise you..
I feel for you, I am a 1/2 sibiling of an UN KNOWN....my mother gave a child up in or around 1949, she will NOT tell me much, she as well said it was an assult situation. I am not really sure why I am searching except I have no contact with my mother nor other siblings and just want that UNKNOWN to KNOW that there is someone that cares about the PERSON, not the details. Good luck in your search!
can u tell me your friends bdate and if they are male or female i am searching for an adoptee
Smile
I feel for you, I am a 1/2 sibiling of an UN KNOWN....my mother gave a child up in or around 1949, she will NOT tell me much, she as well said it was an assult situation. I am not really sure why I am searching except I have no contact with my mother nor other siblings and just want that UNKNOWN to KNOW that there is someone that cares about the PERSON, not the details. Good luck in your search!
I wish I could say I was your UNKNOWN...I just learned by way of the SSDI that my biomother dies last Sept. I have half sibs and have no idea how or if I should try to make a connection..3 months may be a bit too soon..and like your situation, my bmom told me I was the result of an assault... :(
My mother was adopted out of St. Antony's in 1923 and spent the rest of her life in the shadow of not knowing much about her bp's. Shortly after her death i was able to get to kcmo and within an hour at the courthouse I had her Original BC with her natural parents listed. Mom would have been surprised. My question is now where to go for information. She was deliverd by Dr. M A Hanna, and attorney Hal H Thurston did the legal for her Adoptive Parents. I know that sometimes the bp would use alias but would they on the BC. Any help or guidence would be appreciated. My mom said that her adoptive mom would go down and get a baby keep it for a year then bring it back, she did this several years before husband put a stop to it and kept my mom. Good luck to everyone searching.................Joe
l79m20
My mother was adopted out of St. Antony's in 1923 and spent the rest of her life in the shadow of not knowing much about her bp's. Shortly after her death i was able to get to kcmo and within an hour at the courthouse I had her Original BC with her natural parents listed. Mom would have been surprised. My question is now where to go for information. She was deliverd by Dr. M A Hanna, and attorney Hal H Thurston did the legal for her Adoptive Parents. I know that sometimes the bp would use alias but would they on the BC. Any help or guidence would be appreciated. My mom said that her adoptive mom would go down and get a baby keep it for a year then bring it back, she did this several years before husband put a stop to it and kept my mom. Good luck to everyone searching.................Joe
How in the world were you able to get her Original Birth Certificate? Was it because your mom was deceased that the court allowed the release of the information? How does this work that the daughter of an adoptee can get this original birth certificate and we adoptees cannot.:hissy: Many of us out here will be keen to know.:eyebrows: Please reply as many of us graudates of ST Anthony's and perhaps other orphanages in KC would be eager to have the same success. All we want is to know who we are. Did you got to the court or to CC or did you try both? :confused:
Hi, there were several maternity homes including the willows, Florence crittendon, and St. Vincent.
I was born in 1956 in kcmo, and adopted through catholic charities. The had 3 connected facilities, St. Vincent home for unerring mothers, St. Vincent hospital (later Queen of the World), and St. Anthony's home for infants.
You can look information like this up in the city directories. They are online at sites like ancestry.com, but libraries usually pay for many databases and you can access the info for free that way.
I believe I may have been born their also. dob 07/22/62 jackson county missouri. Their is no place of birth listed on my birth cert, dr name was Van Buskirk?
I wasn't adopted until 6/63. Unsure where I was before.