How Closed Adoption Hurts Birth Families

Birth families often report experience a difficult grieving process because of the lack of information about the child. Birth parents in an open adoption have been shown to have better adjustment through the post-adoption period with more satisfaction with the process and are better able to resolve their grief.

Lack of opportunity to explain to the child the reasons for placing him or her for adoption can allow feelings of guilt to develop. These guilty feelings can lead to birth parents believing that their offspring will not understand the reasons for relinquishment.

The Future of Child report by the Princeton Brookings Institute states that some birth parents report that they feel as if they are abandoning their child. The inability to communicate with the child makes some birth mothers, in particular, vulnerable to this feeling. They may feel as if their offspring will blame and hate them for rejecting and abandoning them.

The Future of Children report also states that birth parents may feel powerless. They have no knowledge of what is happening to their child and no opportunity to let the adoptive family know of significant events in their own lives. The adoption may also have been done during a time of duress, as the birth mother may have had little opportunity to make an educated decision on her own volition, choosing to place or choosing an open versus closed adoption plan.

When adoptions are closed, the files likely are also physically sealed. However, many states have created procedures that allow birth family members and adoptees to seek to “open” a closed adoption. This can be an emotionally fraught situation for birth parents who were promised confidentiality and anonymity when they placed their child for adoption. They may wish for their identities to be protected for a number of reasons.

Family members can also feel all of the various emotions felt by birth parents. Biological siblings may feel helpless and if a piece of themselves is missing. Birth grandparents may feel multiple emotions regarding the powerlessness associated with a closed adoption. There is often a void and feelings of loss associated with the placement of their sibling or grandchild. The desire to search can grow with time, especially as siblings get older and form families of their own.